Tag: Jesus

Use Your GPS

We love being on the trails on our quad. It’s a two-person Outlander and perfect for the trails in Michigan. We go trail riding every chance we get; but, with our busy lives, that is only two or three times a month at the most. Every trip is a blast.

Yesterday started off at the South Branch trail head. We saw several more riders than we normally do, but the trails were still quiet and peaceful. For most of the day, we were all alone without another soul in sight. It was perfect.

The Michigan trail system is pretty well organized. Most trails are numbered and marked to let you know what trail you are on and who is allowed to be on that trail – quad, side-by-side, dirt bike or snowmobile. We always have a printed trail map with us and recently started using a GPS app on our phone with trail maps downloaded. Both of these mapping resources have kept us from getting lost which would be easy to do with so many trails and back roads intersecting in the “middle of nowhere.”

Yesterday, while I was enjoying the scenery and relaxing on the back of our quad, I realized just how important our maps are – both the GPS app and the paper map. We usually check the GPS when we come to an intersection, but yesterday we basically did a mental coin flip and just decided “let’s try this way.” When we got to the next intersection a couple miles away, we noticed that the trail we had taken without checking the map was actually not for quads. We weren’t supposed to be there even though there was no sign stating this fact. It was missing. We immediately checked the map to make sure we chose a legal trail at the next intersection. We got back on track before we got in trouble.

How many times does this happen to all of us in life? We think we have enough experience to choose the right path without checking the map God has given us, and we realize later that we are somewhere that we are not supposed to be. This has happened to me so many times over the years that I couldn’t even begin to list them all.

All I had to do to avoid these wrong-turns was to listen to God’s word but I didn’t. Oh, I may have told myself I was listening to God when I took the road; but, if I later found myself on the wrong path, it meant I wasn’t really listening to Him. I was wrapping His word around my will instead of my will around His word.

In Psalm 119 verse 105 David says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”

Genesis through Revelations is the GPS God has given us. Some of it can seem a bit confusing at times, but that doesn’t mean the answers aren’t there for you. Use that GPS to keep your life on the path God wants you traveling. If you stay on the wrong path for too long, it could mean circumstances far worse than the ticket we could have received yesterday for being on the wrong trail on our quad.

Am I a Songbird, a Crow, or Silent?

What kind of bird am I? Do I sing with the rest of the choir when the sun is shining but keep my beak clamped shut when my life is overcast? Worse yet, do I sit on my tree-top and squalk at those around me like a crow no matter how my surroundings appear?

I look forward to walking out the door of my apartment each morning. Not only am I escaping my tiny box of a home that I share with my 110 plus pound great dane and way-too-fat cat, I also enjoy the morning choir of songbirds that I am almost always blessed to listen to as I walk to my car each day. The chirping and singing is so cheerful it can brighten even the darkest of my moods as I make that short treck to the parking lot.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I glanced out the window and found the skies to be overcast and dreary. I continued getting ready without noticing that my good mood was starting to cloud over with the skies. Though my life is really blessed and I have been very happy lately, I was allowing the blah-ness of the day to affect me without realizing it. When I had completed my morning routine, I grabbed my purse, lunch and keys and headed for my car. My thoughts were consumed by my schedule for the day and shadowed over by the clouds overhead, but about ten feet out my apartment door I heard something that stopped me in my tracks.

Despite the cloudy, dreary-looking skies, I could hear birds singing. I didn’t hear as many voices in the choir as on a sunny day, but that didn’t effect the beauty of their song. I forgot about my to-do list. I forgot about the clouds hiding the sun. I remembered just how blessed I am. I remembered how happy I am. Then I had a random thought. What kind of bird am I?

Do I sing with the rest of the choir when the sun is shining but keep my beak clamped shut when my life is overcast? Worse yet, do I sit on my tree-top and squalk at those around me like a crow no matter how my surroundings appear? I would love to say I continue my song even when I can’t feel the warmth of the sun’s rays on me, but I know I fail at this more often than not. These random thoughts reminded me of the Apostle Paul when he said, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want (Philippians 4:12, NIV).”

Am I content with my life so that I can sing my way through sunshine, clouds or rain? Am I content with my life so that I can lift some else’s spirit through the clouds or rain? I should sing despite the dark days. The Holy Spirit should be able to use me to lift the spirit of others on the overcast days we share. I should be a songbird no matter the skies.

Hot Potato and No Espanol

I immediately felt a little tug on my heart and knew I couldn’t leave her standing there all by herself. I walked over to her, said “Hola” and sat in the dirt beside her so I could be at her eye level. I read the little sticker on her shirt, pointed to her and said “Emyly.”  She smiled and nodded and I pointed toward myself and said “Holly.”  Emyly smiled and started talking. 

The concrete building was a giant echo chamber, but at least it was cooler than it was outside. We hadn’t been outside long and I hoped we wouldn’t be out much longer. My team, the blue team, consisted of four Buckner International volunteers, one Buckner intern volunteer and two interpreters. We had already finished our vacation Bible school story and memory verse sessions. The crafts and shoes would come later after the recreation session we were outside for right now. I was very happy about the game our recreation leader chose. I am not in shape and I trip over oxygen all the time, but hot potato with a balloon was something I could do. One of the interpreters played some music from her phone. When the music stopped, the person stuck with the balloon had to get in the middle of the circle and do their best imitation of the animal chosen by the recreation leader. We had a monkey, an alligator and a handful of others. I was assigned an elephant for my turn in the middle. 

There was something I found very interesting during my time in Guatemala. The parents and grandparents were often just as excited about the activities as the children were. They tried memorizing the Bible verses, they made the crafts and they often played the games. On this day, we had a handful of parents and they played hot potato along with the rest of us. As I watched the balloon make its second clockwise lap around our little circle, I noticed a little girl, maybe four years old, standing in between two women on my right. She looked excited as the balloon headed her direction. As it made its way to the first woman, the little girl raised her hands to take her turn in passing it, but she wasn’t the only one excited. Both of the women she stood between were enjoying the game and were trying to make sure neither of them ended up in the middle of the circle imitating a cow or rooster, so they got rid of that balloon as quickly as possible. They skipped the little girl. The disappointment lasted only a moment on her face, but I still felt bad for her. As the balloon made its laps and the animal-imitators entered and exited center stage, I was distracted. I don’t know if that little girl in the pink shirt and white hat with little butterflies printed on it ever got her turn to pass the balloon. 

After a few rounds, the recreation leader and interpreters decided to try a new game. We played so many games during that week that I honestly don’t remember what the new game was, but I decided to watch from the sidelines and take some pictures and videos. As I was watching, I noticed the little girl in the white hat with the butterflies standing on the sidelines leaning against the side of a nearby building. She was holding the two purses and umbrella that I remember the two women holding during the earlier game, and she quietly watched everyone else enjoying the fun. I immediately felt a little tug on my heart and knew I couldn’t leave her standing there all by herself. I walked over to her, said “Hola” and sat in the dirt beside her so I could be at her eye level. I read the little sticker on her shirt, pointed to her and said “Emyly.”  She smiled and nodded and I pointed toward myself and said “Holly.”  Emyly smiled and started talking. 

If you read my last blog, you know I don’t speak Spanish, so when she stopped talking and looked at me with a look that indicated she was expecting an answer I had no idea what to say. I did the one thing I had become pretty good at in the last few days. I raised my hands palm up, tilted my head, shrugged my shoulders and said “no Espanol.” Emyly tilted her head back, laughed at me and started talking again. She didn’t appear to ask me any more questions, so I guess she understood what I had told her. That didn’t stop her from talking, though, and from pointing at people and things as she talked. I didn’t have any idea what she was telling me until I heard a Spanish word that sounded similar to the English word family. She talked and talked and talked some more, all the time knowing that I had no clue what she was telling me. I did try pointing out my daughter and telling Emyly that I was Megan’s mom, but I couldn’t remember how to even say that. As Emyly watched, I walked to Megan, got her attention and asked how to say that I was her mom. Megan doesn’t remember much of her high school Spanish but she was able to tell Emyly that I was her mother. 

As I sat back down beside Emyly I tried to find things to communicate with her about. When she took her hat off I traced one of the butterflies with my finger, pointed at it, said “butterfly” and tried to find a way to ask her what a butterfly was called in Spanish. I’m not sure if she ever figured out what I was trying to communicate. I didn’t understand another word she said, but that was okay. This may sound odd to you, as my reader, but despite the fact that neither of us understood anything the other was saying, Emyly and I had a really amazing conversation. We talked and we laughed and we enjoyed the brief time we had together. I will never forget little Emyly.

Children are amazing. Their innocence allows them to grab ahold of faith without questioning it and hold on until that innocence is broken. After it is broken, some manage to hold on but many do not. The Gospel of Luke tells of a time when parents were taking their children to Jesus to have Him touch them. “When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it‘ (Luke 18:15b-17).” 

Heaven is for children – God’s children; but unless we can hold on to our faith like an innocent child does, we risk losing our soul. We have to let go of all of the baggage that we carry as adults and just talk to our Heavenly Father, even when we think He isn’t listening or we don’t understand what He is saying. We need to be like little Emyly and just keep talking to Him – even when we don’t have any idea what His answer is. He is listening; and when the time is right, He will make sure we understand exactly what His answer is. Until that time comes, actively spend your time practicing the faith of a child and keep talking to Him. If you do this, He will answer and you will understand…in His time.

NOTE: Thank you, again, WayFM and Buckner International for giving Megan and I this amazing opportunity to serve with you.

“Luke 18:15b-17.” NIV Archeological Study Bible: An Illustrated Walk through Biblical History and Culture. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005. N. pag. Print.

Crazy, Miss-Matched Socks

​After working with children all morning, I was a little nervous about working with one of the mothers. As I sat on the floor in front of her chair, I knew the only thing she could possibly say that I would understand was “Hola” so I decided to be the first to say it in an effort to at least express friendliness even if I couldn’t verbally show it in any other words. She responded with “Hola” and continued with a few words of her own. I looked around the crowded room and couldn’t find an available interpreter, so I held my hands palms up, shrugged my shoulders, smiled and said “no Espanol.” I wasn’t even sure if I had said that correctly, but I knew she understood from her “ah” and nod.

I untied the laces of the shoe she wore on her right foot and gently removed her shoe and sock. Then I picked up the new shoes and started to remove the new socks that were stuffed inside. My first thoughts upon seeing those new socks were, “I cannot give her these. What am I supposed to do with these things? She is not going to want them. Where is an interpreter to explain how sorry I am that this is what I’m giving her? I wish I had my own bag with me, so I could just give her one of the new pair of socks I had packed for myself.” I now wish I knew how many of those silent thoughts she could see on my face. She hadn’t seen her new socks yet since I hadn’t completely removed them from the shoe they were stuffed into and unrolled them, and I really didn’t want to show them to her. I quickly glanced around the room again for an interpreter or someone who would hopefully be able to find me a new pair of socks, but no miracle showed up…or so I thought.

I know I must have worn a cringe on my face as I unrolled the pair of knee high striped socks. Oh, how I wished in that moment the only thing unusual about this woman’s new socks was the length and striped print! As I finished unrolling and separating them, she saw what I saw around thirty seconds earlier. One sock had blue and white stripes while the other had green and white stripes. Even that was not the most unusual thing about these socks. They had toes. Toes…like the socks I had been given years earlier as a gag-gift for Christmas. I was presenting this woman who was older than my forty-four years with a pair of socks that came to her knees, were different colors and had the toes separated.

I was expecting her to look at me with an expression that would say not only “no” but “are you kidding me.” In afterthought, I think I was more surprised by her response than she was about the socks. Here’s when I realized the miracle. She just laughed. She wasn’t upset. She wasn’t bothered in the slightest. She didn’t seem even the tiniest bit disappointed. She laughed and her smile showed as much in her eyes as it did on her mouth. Then her laugh became contagious. Neither of us could stop laughing as I washed her foot and put the sock on. We laughed even harder when we realized the toes on the socks were longer than the toes on her feet which made it even more complicated to make sure I had only one of her toes in each toe of the sock. Have you ever tried a pair of toe-socks? They can be hard to put on your own feet. They are really difficult when you are putting them on someone else’s feet.

Eventually, we managed to get all ten of her toes in the correct places and I put her new shoes on. She expressed her thanks, left her seat and a child took her place on the chair in front of me. The next hour or so was uneventful. I washed several pair of feet and replaced worn shoes and socks with new ones. As my team members and I were finishing up with our last few pair of feet, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find the woman I had laughed with about her crazy socks. She embraced me with the biggest hug and again thanked me. We shared another laugh and each went our separate ways knowing we will never see each other again, but I believe both of us felt a special bond was formed between us…over two crazy, miss-matched socks.

Our bond was formed on day two of a mission trip with Buckner International. My daughter and I were blessed with an all expense paid trip that I won through the WayFM radio station. We spent one week in Guatemala teaching vacation Bible school followed by giving the kids and a few parents and grandparents shoes. We told stories, helped them memorize a Bible verse, made crafts and played recreational games with more children and families than I could count. When those activities were over, we turned to the socks and shoes.

I have heard many people compare the foot washing we did to when Christ washed the feet of his disciples prior to His crucifixion, but I have a hard time making that comparison to my own actions. As I sit here now in my seat on the flight home and think back on the last week, I feel more like Mary who washed Jesus feet while he was in Bethany; but instead of washing the feet of Jesus, I was washing the feet of His disciples in His physical absence. This woman, Mary, was not a saint. She was a sinner just like the rest of us. “When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, ‘If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is – that she is a sinner.’ (Luke 7:39) She was also criticized for using valuable oil to wash Jesus’ feet. “But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, ‘Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given the to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.’ (John 12:4-5)” 

The only One who could truly judge this woman was Jesus Christ but He chose to extend the grace and mercy only He can give. “Then Jesus said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven…Your faith has saved you; go in peace,’ “(Luke 7:47,50). She couldn’t hide her sin, but she could rise above it. She could make the most of her resources to honor Jesus Christ, and for that He praised her and her story was given an honored place in Scripture. I am not looking for fame and honor or even recognition for participating in this mission trip. I, like this woman, just want to honor Jesus Christ in whatever way I can, and I want to spread His love around the world. If that simply means talking to my neighbors, my co-workers and other people who cross my path about what Jesus has done for me, I will do it. If that means putting a pair of crazy, miss-matched socks on someone’s feet, I will do that, too.

“John 12:4-5; Luke 7:39, 47,50.” NIV Archeological Study Bible: An Illustrated Walk through Biblical History and Culture. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005. N. pag. Print.

Hidden Headlights

This Christmas season, I have done a bit more thinking than I normally do about the Christmas season as a whole…the Christmas lights and tree and other decorations, the original reason for our celebrations, the way Christmas has become so commercialized in the last few decades, the way we take for granted that everyone we celebrate with this year will be here to celebrate with us next year.

Many years ago I drove a gorgeous, black, 1980-something TransAm. It had all the options, gold ground effects, nice wheels, and T-tops, of course. I loved that car. I looked good driving that car. I did have one problem with it, though. After I had driven it for a while, the headlights started to stick. They would turn on, but they wouldn’t open out of the hood like they were supposed to. I had lights, but no one could see them. I may as well not have had any lights at all.

This Christmas season, I have done a bit more thinking than I normally do about the Christmas season as a whole…the Christmas lights and tree and other decorations, the original reason for our celebrations, the way Christmas has become so commercialized in the last few decades, the way we take for granted that everyone we celebrate with this year will be here to celebrate with us next year. I have thought a lot about the loss of both sets of my grandparents, the loss of a close friend of my boyfriend, the loss of another friend’s father, and the many people I know who are feeling the recent loss of a close relationship. We’ve all heard the old saying, “We don’t know what tomorrow may bring;” but we don’t always take it seriously until it is too late.

In Matthew chapter 5, versus 14 through 16 Jesus said, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” If you are a forgiven child of God, you have a light in the form of the Holy Spirit living in you. Do you let that light shine so the people around you can see it? Do you, instead, keep it “under the hood” and hidden most of the time? Do the people closest to you know you are a Christian? Do you play it safe in this difficult political climate our nation is in and keep your light private so only you and those closest to you can see it?

We really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. We don’t know if the people around us will be here in another year, month, week, day or even hour. We have been instructed by Jesus to keep our light shining so that those around us can see it and come to know God by seeing His light in us. If your light cannot be clearly seen, take the necessary steps to uncover it and make it shine brightly. Just like I had to have someone work on my car so the lights would open out of the hood and be seen, we should take our hearts to the One who can make sure we are shining like a headlight on the narrow road.

My New Year’s Resolution

As hard as I’m going to work on becoming physically healthy this year, my physical health will not be my main focus. My new year’s resolution for 2016 is to become healthy in EVERY aspect of my life. To do this, I must concentrate my greatest focus on becoming spiritually healthy.

I have put a lot of thought into what will be my new year’s resolution for 2016. It needs to be realistic so that I don’t give up by week three of January. I realize fitness as a new year’s resolution is so common that it is almost a joke, but I desperately need to get healthy. I have lived way too many years with the thought that I’m young enough to concentrate on getting healthy “next year” but “next year” never came. I woke up this morning feeling tired and old and wondering when “next year” passed me by. All I do know is that it must have been a very long time ago because I have felt old and tired for a very long time. This week I plan to research diet and exercise plans and find the one that I am most likely to stick with and, therefore, most likely to be successful with.

As hard as I’m going to work on becoming physically healthy this year, my physical health will not be my main focus. My new year’s resolution for 2016 is to become healthy in EVERY aspect of my life. To do this, I must concentrate my greatest focus on becoming spiritually healthy. I Timothy 4:7b-8 says, “…train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” This year I plan to…no, scratch that. This year I WILL become healthy. I will focus my mind on my relationship with God and become a better steward of everything He has given me, especially on my body which desperately needs both spiritual and physical toning.

Don’t be Found Sleeping

I work in finance in a medium sized public service organization. Last week, in the last five minutes of the workweek, I took some information that concerned me to my boss. Something wasn’t balancing as it should which meant that somewhere, somehow an error was been made. More than likely, this error will be simple to fix, but it may take me some time to locate the error and make a correcting entry. I was already disappointed in myself for not noticing this problem weeks earlier; but when I saw the disappointment on my boss’ face and heard it in his voice my disappointment turned to something closer to dread. I was very upset with myself for letting my boss down. I hate letting anyone down, but my boss is a good boss and I really, really hated letting him down.

This evening I pulled out the women’s devotional book I have been studying. Today’s reading was about being a good steward and giving wisely. The suggested reading was the end of Mark chapter 12; but when I was through with those verses I continued through chapter 13. Verses 32 through 37 practically jumped off the page at me. “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. It’s like a man going away; He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with his assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.

“Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back – whether in evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping.”

My boss didn’t find me sleeping. I found myself sleeping and then had to explain to him how I had let him down. I didn’t like admitting it, but I had no excuse. I allowed myself to be distracted by other things. The other things were important as well, but those tasks should not have taken all of my focus so that I did not see this error until now.

While reading Mark chapter 13 this evening, I realized I let Someone down every day – Someone much more important than my boss. I read my Bible, I attend small group Bible studies, I listen to Christian music; but if God chose tonight to send His Son in all His power and glory to gather His children, He would find that this child has slept way too much lately. I have watched for the signs that many people recognize  – wars, persecution of Christians, famine, earthquakes,  etc. – but I have allowed these signs which are on the news quite regularly to distract me. Instead of serving Jesus, I have been focused on the signs of His return. I cannot imagine the dread I would feel if He showed up when I wasn’t paying attention – while I was sleeping. Oh, what a horrible feeling that would be!

It is time for me, for all of us, to wake up. We need to stop focusing on the signs that were prophesied and start serving the One those prophesies were pointing to return. We need to make sure we are ready, and we need to make sure the people around us are ready. We need to be doing the tasks He has assigned to each of us and let Him handle the rest.

Don’t just watch for His return. Serve Him while you watch.

From Shattered Glass to a Vase of Roses

I want you to picture someone and something in your mind. Think of the person you love who has hurt you the most. The pain this person has caused you could be from something he or she said, or did, or neglected to do, or any number of things. Regardless of what happened, the pain that you felt or may still feel is unlike any other you have ever felt because of the love you have given to them. The individual you are thinking of is standing next to a coffee table. Resting on the table is the most beautiful glass vase you have ever seen. The vase is made of clear glass with swirls of color flowing through it. The vase holds a colorful blend of flowers. You have had this vase for many, many years and have always made sure the flowers it held were fresh and beautiful. You now think of this vase as a treasured heirloom to pass down to your children.

Now I want you to envision this person you love pick up your vase full of flowers. They smile as they examine the thing of beauty they now hold in their hands. Just as the smile envelopes his or her face and they seem to be almost entranced by the beauty they are holding, the smile which now reaches his or her eyes changes. You cannot describe or explain the change, but you see it clearly and know something has gone terribly wrong. Without warning, this person you have loved hurls the vase against a stone wall that encases the flames burning in a fireplace. You stand frozen in shock for seconds that feel more like hours or days. You cannot move. You cannot breath. You cannot think. You cannot understand. You can only stare in silence as your emotions try to process what you have just witnessed.

Eventually, you begin to feel as though your life has been shattered. You feel like you have been violated by the look of pleasure on your loved one’s face. You feel devastated and refuse to allow yourself to look at the shards and slivers of glass as they fall to the hearth in front of the flames. At first, the sheer pleasure you see in his or her eyes hurts you deeply. After a few more seconds that feel more like hours, you feel a combination of sadness and anger…but then you see something new in his or her eyes. The ecstasy you saw in their gaze when they looked at the destruction they had caused turned into confusion. The look of confusion turned into a combination of shock and anger. You cannot pull your eyes from watching his or her face and after a moment find you can speak for the first time in seconds that seem like decades. As you look into their eyes you ask, “What is wrong? Why did you do this?” The shock and anger you saw only a moment ago changes into contempt and they walk silently from the room and slam the door. You feel a deep fear because somehow, in some way you cannot explain, you realize this person is gone forever.

You stare for several moments at the now empty spot he or she was standing in. You are confused because you do not know what has caused the ecstasy in their eyes to change to contempt. Your own confusion and curiosity turn your eyes for the first time towards the shattered vase and scattered flowers, but that is not what you see. In the flames you see several large shards and slivers of glass from the vase, but that is not what causes the amazement you now feel. Sitting on the hearth just barely out of the flames is a vase even more beautiful than the first made of clear glass with red swirling through it. In the vase you see two dozen beautiful white roses. In the center of the white roses rests one beautiful red rose. The flowers should be wilting from the heat of the flames; but, instead, you find them in their most beautiful state completely untouched by the flames or even the heat that you can feel while standing across the room. You stand frozen again. At first you are confused but after a few moments your confusion is replaced by awe and wonder. You are truly amazed by the miracle you gaze upon.

You may have already applied this analogy to your life; but, if not, let’s try it now. The first vase of flowers is your life. It is everything you have ever known and ever loved. It is even the very air you breath. When the vase was thrown against the stone wall, your entire life was being shattered by the actions of someone else. This person was selfish and felt enjoyment from the pain they caused you. Their enjoyment ended the moment he or she realized the slivers of glass that landed in the flames represented them, while the new vase and roses represented your new life without them. He or she will forever be discarded slivers that have no place in the life you have now. The single red rose represents Jesus Christ who is the only One who can turn the slivers of your life into a beautiful miracle.

Psalm 107:19-21 states, “Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them. He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.” The shattered vase and scattered flowers was my old life; but, by the grace of God, the beautiful vase of roses is my new life. I have a lot to thank God for in my new life. He has blessed me in more ways than I can put to words.

Flinching in Fear

Have you ever seen a dog or a child who flinches when an adult moves suddenly and unexpectedly?  My new best friend, Lucy, is a 2 year old great dane.  I adopted her about a month ago to ease the loneliness during and after my recent divorce.   Two days ago I picked up the broom and carried it past Lucy to another room. I thought Lucy was focused on her food bowl, but the moment she saw the broom in my hand she flinched and crouched in fear.  I felt so horrible for scaring her.  Even though I was not the actual cause of her fear, I was the trigger on that particular day. 

There was little I could do to calm her.  I put the broom on the floor and coaxed her from her crouching and trembling position.  I tried to get her to sniff the broom and become comfortable with it. I had very little luck that night.  Lucy will eventually learn that she is safe with me despite the broom I may hold, but it will take time.  I’m sure she will need to see me pick up that broom and do nothing but sweep the floor with it for quite a while before her fears are gone.

Physical flinching is usually easy to see and identify,  but there are other forms of flinching that cannot be so easily recognized.  I realized just this morning that I “flinch” with my emotions.  If you have read my other recent posts, you already know I am going through a divorce after nearly 25 years of marriage.   The longer we are apart, the more I see how disfunctional and destructive our relationship has been.  (Please don’t assume I was physically abused.  I was not.)  I don’t flinch at a broom or fist or anything physical.   Just this morning, however, I came to the realization that I “flinch” emotionally.

I have an old friend who has become a close friend in recent weeks.  He and I have spent hours sharing a great deal of the experiences both of us have had in the last couple of decades since we have seen each other.  After a time, our conversations have become more personal and I enjoy them.  He frequently gives me sweet words of affirmation that would make my heart melt if my emotions didn’t tend to flinch the moment his pleasant words hit my ears.  During the last several years, words of affirmation were used almost exclusively in inappropriate ways.  They were occasionally used to precede criticism.   They were frequently used to distract me from the truth going on around me so that I would believe whatever lie was flowing in that particular moment in time. 

I believe my friend is sincere when he speaks his sweet words, but my emotional reaction is almost always to flinch when I hear them and to brace myself for whatever bad experience will follow.  I have no reason to have this reaction to his words.  He has done nothing to hurt me.  Sadly, in this time when my emotions are still so raw from the fresh wounds that have been spoken over the old emotional scars, I flinch in my heart much as Lucy still does when I pick up the broom. 

It hurts me to see Lucy flinch as she does, and I’m sure it hurts my friend when I do the same.  I feel so bad that he is basically reaping consequences of someone else’s actions.  It is not his fault, and it is unfair of me to hurt or frustrate him when he is only being kind and thoughtful.  I try so hard not to let the insecurities that accompany the emotional flinch to take over my thoughts in these moments, but I usually fail with these efforts.  Sometimes, just simply hearing him call me “beautiful” will trigger a flinch that brings with it a low to medium level of fear.  I am so afraid at times to believe his words that I feel almost suffocated by that fear.  I am afraid to trust.  I am afraid to feel anything emotional.  I am afraid to feel anything physical. 

My friend has not done a single thing to cause my fears.  He has simply done something I am sure is natural for him to do.  He has spoken words to melt my heart, but those words have been used by another in a different way.  I must find a way to stop the emotional flinching, but it will take time to heal my heart and emotions.  It will take time for me to trust anyone but God; but, when I put my trust in God, I find the strength to calm my natural tendency to fear and emotionally flinch with the trigger of innocent words.

John 14:27 states, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Worry

Worry…I think this one word describes my worst problem, my biggest failure.  I worry about everyone and everything. I worry about my children, my husband, my extended family, my friends, my coworkers, my neighbors, my marriage, my faith, my job, my finances, my church, my Bible study group, my education, my community, my nation, my blog… I even worry about the fact that I worry too much.  I guess you could say worrying has become an addiction in my life.  I truly never realized until I typed that last sentence that I had an addiction to worry.

Jesus was very clear in Matthew 6:25-27 when He instructed us not to worry.  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who among you by worrying can add a single day to his life (Matthew 6:25-27 NIV).”  Jesus didn’t give a complicated sermon.  He didn’t weave it into a parable.  He didn’t hesitate or stutter. He gave His message clearly when He instructed us not to worry because it won’t do any good.  No matter how much time and energy you devote to worrying, you will never gain any advantage in whatever situation you are worrying about.  You will simply waste time…time you never get back, time that could have been used productively, time you may have enjoyed, time forever sacrificed on an alter of the great deceiver, that serpent who told the first lie that triggered the first worry.

Worry does two basic things.  It tears down and it builds up.  It tears down the realities of your present and the possibilities of your future.  It tears down your relationships.  It tears down your potential accomplishments.  It tears down your self esteem, your self worth.  It tears down your immune system and destroys your health.  It tears down much that should have been and forever robs your future of those should-have-beens that now may never be.

Worry tears down everything you allow it to, but it must have at least some measure of your permission for worry to be this devastatingly powerful.  You must hand your authority over your own life to worry in order for it to be able to tear down anything.  You made a decision, consciously or unconsciously, to allow your mind to be controlled by worry.  Worry doesn’t have a mind of its own.  It must hijack yours before it can do anything.  How much it tears down is up to you.

The second thing worry does is build up.  It builds walls between you and those around you.  It builds walls between you and God.  It builds walls as tall and as strong as you allow it to build.  If allowed, worry will build walls so tall and so strong that you will feel encased in an impenetrable room with no doors or windows.  You can hear the activity on the other side of the walls but never be able to live life beyond your worry-built walls.

In his letters to the Philippians the Apostle Paul instructed them, “Be anxious (worried) for nothing but in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philipians 4:6-7 NIV).” Paul knew what he was talking about.  He suffered persecution and imprisonment for his faith.  When I think of all Paul faced and persevered through because of his faith and service to God, I feel guilty for all the worrying I do.  The guilty feelings don’t automatically erase my natural tendency to worry, but they do remind me that I need to pray my way through my worries and make a conscious and consistent effort to refocus my mind and heart on God’s grace and mercies and put my faith in Him.

I leave you with a quote by George Muller, a preacher from a another generation.  “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith.  The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”