Tag: Christ

Use Your GPS

We love being on the trails on our quad. It’s a two-person Outlander and perfect for the trails in Michigan. We go trail riding every chance we get; but, with our busy lives, that is only two or three times a month at the most. Every trip is a blast.

Yesterday started off at the South Branch trail head. We saw several more riders than we normally do, but the trails were still quiet and peaceful. For most of the day, we were all alone without another soul in sight. It was perfect.

The Michigan trail system is pretty well organized. Most trails are numbered and marked to let you know what trail you are on and who is allowed to be on that trail – quad, side-by-side, dirt bike or snowmobile. We always have a printed trail map with us and recently started using a GPS app on our phone with trail maps downloaded. Both of these mapping resources have kept us from getting lost which would be easy to do with so many trails and back roads intersecting in the “middle of nowhere.”

Yesterday, while I was enjoying the scenery and relaxing on the back of our quad, I realized just how important our maps are – both the GPS app and the paper map. We usually check the GPS when we come to an intersection, but yesterday we basically did a mental coin flip and just decided “let’s try this way.” When we got to the next intersection a couple miles away, we noticed that the trail we had taken without checking the map was actually not for quads. We weren’t supposed to be there even though there was no sign stating this fact. It was missing. We immediately checked the map to make sure we chose a legal trail at the next intersection. We got back on track before we got in trouble.

How many times does this happen to all of us in life? We think we have enough experience to choose the right path without checking the map God has given us, and we realize later that we are somewhere that we are not supposed to be. This has happened to me so many times over the years that I couldn’t even begin to list them all.

All I had to do to avoid these wrong-turns was to listen to God’s word but I didn’t. Oh, I may have told myself I was listening to God when I took the road; but, if I later found myself on the wrong path, it meant I wasn’t really listening to Him. I was wrapping His word around my will instead of my will around His word.

In Psalm 119 verse 105 David says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”

Genesis through Revelations is the GPS God has given us. Some of it can seem a bit confusing at times, but that doesn’t mean the answers aren’t there for you. Use that GPS to keep your life on the path God wants you traveling. If you stay on the wrong path for too long, it could mean circumstances far worse than the ticket we could have received yesterday for being on the wrong trail on our quad.

“Who Told You That?”

It’s been a few months since I’ve posted to my blog – nine to be exact. I’ve written a few things but they just didn’t feel right. They didn’t feel worthy of posting, so some wait patiently in a notebook and some quickly found the nearest trash can. Despite the fact that I have known for a long time that God has called me to write, nothing I wrote felt good enough to me.

This week I realized why.

Monday I pulled out my copy of The Quest by Beth Moore. It’s a Bible study I started a few months ago but didn’t finish. I started reading the answers I had written back then in response to some of Beth’s questions, and I realized why my writing “wasn’t good enough” but I didn’t do anything that day to change it.

Then I received a message today from God. Well, the message was actually from Facebook, but God can and will use whatever means He needs to in order to get His children to listen. I heard His message weeks ago when a handful of people asked me in the same week if I was still writing. Then I heard His message through Beth this week. Today’s message from Him sunk in when I received a notification that said, “1,014 people who like Forgiven Faith haven’t heard from you in a while. Write a post.”

Four hours later that number has increased by five. I don’t know where all these likes have come from. I haven’t posted since November of 2017 and the last I checked it was only in the 300s. My writing is not enough to attract 1,000 readers and I don’t promote, so I don’t know how my likes increased that much. I do know God has used that number to convict me.

God told me four years ago to write. I fumbled through writing for about three years. Some of my posts were terrible, but some were pretty good.

Somewhere along the way, I guess a year ago, I made a grievous error. I listened to a newly published author who is not a faith-based writer or even a faith-based person. That counsel was very discouraging and I have been unable to focus my thoughts on writing since that time. I learned the feel of writers block.

The counsel I received from Beth Moore this week is helping to reverse the impact of the false counsel I internalized all those months ago, however. There are two questions she posed that really spoke to me. The first felt like a knife in the chest and the second, a knife in the back.

“Where are you?”

When Adam and Eve first sinned, when they ate that infamous fruit they immediately knew they were wrong to do it and they hid from God in the garden. God knew exactly where they were but He wanted them to come to Him, so in Genesis chapter one verse nine, “the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?'”

God has been asking me that same question in more ways than I can remember and today He sent it to me by Facebook. I was knowingly ignoring His directions and was not writing. I was coming up with every possible excuse to explain why I had not done what He had instructed just like Adam and Eve did. I had thrust that knife into my own chest.

Then God (and Beth) asked, “Who told you that…? (Genesis 1:11)”

Who told me my writing was unworthy of publishing? Who told me I was doing it all wrong? Who told me I was wasting my time writing faith-based blogs and stories? Who did I allow to stick a knife in my back?

It wasn’t God who said any of those things to me; and, since it wasn’t God, why was I listening?

I’m back. Good or bad blog post, I’m back. I pray I don’t disappoint.

Hot Potato and No Espanol

I immediately felt a little tug on my heart and knew I couldn’t leave her standing there all by herself. I walked over to her, said “Hola” and sat in the dirt beside her so I could be at her eye level. I read the little sticker on her shirt, pointed to her and said “Emyly.”  She smiled and nodded and I pointed toward myself and said “Holly.”  Emyly smiled and started talking. 

The concrete building was a giant echo chamber, but at least it was cooler than it was outside. We hadn’t been outside long and I hoped we wouldn’t be out much longer. My team, the blue team, consisted of four Buckner International volunteers, one Buckner intern volunteer and two interpreters. We had already finished our vacation Bible school story and memory verse sessions. The crafts and shoes would come later after the recreation session we were outside for right now. I was very happy about the game our recreation leader chose. I am not in shape and I trip over oxygen all the time, but hot potato with a balloon was something I could do. One of the interpreters played some music from her phone. When the music stopped, the person stuck with the balloon had to get in the middle of the circle and do their best imitation of the animal chosen by the recreation leader. We had a monkey, an alligator and a handful of others. I was assigned an elephant for my turn in the middle. 

There was something I found very interesting during my time in Guatemala. The parents and grandparents were often just as excited about the activities as the children were. They tried memorizing the Bible verses, they made the crafts and they often played the games. On this day, we had a handful of parents and they played hot potato along with the rest of us. As I watched the balloon make its second clockwise lap around our little circle, I noticed a little girl, maybe four years old, standing in between two women on my right. She looked excited as the balloon headed her direction. As it made its way to the first woman, the little girl raised her hands to take her turn in passing it, but she wasn’t the only one excited. Both of the women she stood between were enjoying the game and were trying to make sure neither of them ended up in the middle of the circle imitating a cow or rooster, so they got rid of that balloon as quickly as possible. They skipped the little girl. The disappointment lasted only a moment on her face, but I still felt bad for her. As the balloon made its laps and the animal-imitators entered and exited center stage, I was distracted. I don’t know if that little girl in the pink shirt and white hat with little butterflies printed on it ever got her turn to pass the balloon. 

After a few rounds, the recreation leader and interpreters decided to try a new game. We played so many games during that week that I honestly don’t remember what the new game was, but I decided to watch from the sidelines and take some pictures and videos. As I was watching, I noticed the little girl in the white hat with the butterflies standing on the sidelines leaning against the side of a nearby building. She was holding the two purses and umbrella that I remember the two women holding during the earlier game, and she quietly watched everyone else enjoying the fun. I immediately felt a little tug on my heart and knew I couldn’t leave her standing there all by herself. I walked over to her, said “Hola” and sat in the dirt beside her so I could be at her eye level. I read the little sticker on her shirt, pointed to her and said “Emyly.”  She smiled and nodded and I pointed toward myself and said “Holly.”  Emyly smiled and started talking. 

If you read my last blog, you know I don’t speak Spanish, so when she stopped talking and looked at me with a look that indicated she was expecting an answer I had no idea what to say. I did the one thing I had become pretty good at in the last few days. I raised my hands palm up, tilted my head, shrugged my shoulders and said “no Espanol.” Emyly tilted her head back, laughed at me and started talking again. She didn’t appear to ask me any more questions, so I guess she understood what I had told her. That didn’t stop her from talking, though, and from pointing at people and things as she talked. I didn’t have any idea what she was telling me until I heard a Spanish word that sounded similar to the English word family. She talked and talked and talked some more, all the time knowing that I had no clue what she was telling me. I did try pointing out my daughter and telling Emyly that I was Megan’s mom, but I couldn’t remember how to even say that. As Emyly watched, I walked to Megan, got her attention and asked how to say that I was her mom. Megan doesn’t remember much of her high school Spanish but she was able to tell Emyly that I was her mother. 

As I sat back down beside Emyly I tried to find things to communicate with her about. When she took her hat off I traced one of the butterflies with my finger, pointed at it, said “butterfly” and tried to find a way to ask her what a butterfly was called in Spanish. I’m not sure if she ever figured out what I was trying to communicate. I didn’t understand another word she said, but that was okay. This may sound odd to you, as my reader, but despite the fact that neither of us understood anything the other was saying, Emyly and I had a really amazing conversation. We talked and we laughed and we enjoyed the brief time we had together. I will never forget little Emyly.

Children are amazing. Their innocence allows them to grab ahold of faith without questioning it and hold on until that innocence is broken. After it is broken, some manage to hold on but many do not. The Gospel of Luke tells of a time when parents were taking their children to Jesus to have Him touch them. “When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it‘ (Luke 18:15b-17).” 

Heaven is for children – God’s children; but unless we can hold on to our faith like an innocent child does, we risk losing our soul. We have to let go of all of the baggage that we carry as adults and just talk to our Heavenly Father, even when we think He isn’t listening or we don’t understand what He is saying. We need to be like little Emyly and just keep talking to Him – even when we don’t have any idea what His answer is. He is listening; and when the time is right, He will make sure we understand exactly what His answer is. Until that time comes, actively spend your time practicing the faith of a child and keep talking to Him. If you do this, He will answer and you will understand…in His time.

NOTE: Thank you, again, WayFM and Buckner International for giving Megan and I this amazing opportunity to serve with you.

“Luke 18:15b-17.” NIV Archeological Study Bible: An Illustrated Walk through Biblical History and Culture. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005. N. pag. Print.

The Difference Between Doing and Living

Have you ever been so tired that no matter how hard you tried you just couldn’t hold your eyes open and you were not somewhere you wanted to be caught sleeping?  On one particular day during my junior year of high school I was sitting at one of the long science tables in physics class trying very unsuccessfully to stay awake.  Mr. W. was a great teacher who entertained his classes with hilarious stories, but he spoke very monotone and the steady tone of his voice worked on me just like a lullaby does to a baby.  I don’t remember who had the pleasure of waking me up that day, but I will never forget being startled awake and feeling so embarrassed.  I felt like the focal point for the entire class whether they were paying attention or not.

If you follow my blog or happened to read my last post, you may remember that it was about the individual person being distracted by the things going on in his or her life and the distractions found on the news or social media.  In the Gospel of Mark, chapter 13, verses 32 through 33 Jesus says, “No one knows the day or hour when these things [His return] will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself.  And since you don’t know when they will happen, stay alert and keep watch.”

I don’t want to be embarrassed again by falling asleep somewhere I shouldn’t, but the thought of Jesus catching me asleep when I am supposed to be a living example of His love is… I don’t even have words to describe how horrible that would be.  There have been many times in my life during which I have watched for His return and there are other times when I have allowed distractions to take His place as my focal point.  I have recently realized that during some of the times I thought I was being watchful for Him I was actually being distracted by what I thought was His service.  I was doing the “right things” as I understood those things in Scripture, but I wasn’t really living those right things in the right way.  What if I’m not the only one?  What if Jesus comes back and finds not only me sleeping but whole congregations sleeping as well?  What can slip past the sleeping congregations and sit right down on the pew beside each member?

The book of Revelations, chapters two and three consist of letters dictated by Jesus to the churches of Biblical times and they tell us exactly what can happen when the congregation is sleeping.  The first letter is written to the church in Ephesus and should be a wake-up call to churches today.  “I know all the things you do.  I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance.  I know you don’t tolerate evil people…  But I have this complaint against you.  You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!  Look how far you have fallen from your first love!  Turn back to me again and work as you did at first.”  In His letter to the church in Sardis Jesus said, “I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive – but you are dead.  Now wake up!  Strengthen what little remains for even what is left is at the point of death.”

The accusations against these churches were written in letters to those congregations, but they were included in Scripture for a reason.  God doesn’t simply want us to know what He said to these churches that have been gone for centuries.  He wants us to realize He is talking to the churches of today, too – my church, your church, the church around the corner and the church across town.

The churches of today need to wake up and open their eyes to the things going on around them and even within their own congregations.  In His letter to the church in Thyatica Jesus speaks of a woman, Jezebel, doing and encouraging sin within the church.  All churches have a Jezebel at some point in time.  Most churches have a Jezebel right now whether they realize it or not.  Jezebel could open the church up to many things such as gossip, lies, theft, or even drugs, sexual immorality or idolatry and false teaching.  The important thing with all church Jezebels is that the church handle the situation Scripturally.  Is she allowed to continue her behavior while various people pray for her to change?  Is she spoken to about her behavior but allowed to continue with it?  Is her behavior addressed according to the instructions presented in Scripture?  There may be times in the life of the church that His children look around themselves with concern and fear because their Jezebel seems so strong or out of control, but rest assured God will not allow Jezebel to continue forever.  In His letter to the church of Thyatira Jesus warns, “I gave her time to repent, but she would not turn away from her immorality.  Therefore, I will throw her upon a sickbed, and she will suffer greatly with all who commit adultery with her, unless they turn away from all their evil deeds.  I will strike her children dead.  And all the churches will know that I am the one who searches out the thoughts and intentions of every person.  And I will give each of you whatever you deserve….”  I’m not sure how you feel about that part of His letter, but I find it a little scary for the church.  Jezebel’s children are not necessarily the ones she has physically given birth to.  They could just as easily be other members of the church family who have become actively or passively involved in her behavior.

Jesus always leaves us with hope, however, such as the promise in his letter to the church in Philadelphia.  “I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can shut.  You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me.  Look!  I will force those who belong to Satan [including Jezebel and her children] – those liars who say they are Jews [children of God] but are not – to come and bow down at your feet.  They will acknowledge that you are the ones I love.  Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world.” What an awesome promise!

This post jumps around a bit in topic, but it can be applied to both the individual person and the church body. Stop doing the right things because they are the right things to do; and start living, really living the right way. Would you rather stand before Jesus at His judgement seat and hear Him say you obeyed Him, or would you rather hear Him say you lived your life in a way that other people saw Him through you? The choice is yours.

Don’t be Found Sleeping

I work in finance in a medium sized public service organization. Last week, in the last five minutes of the workweek, I took some information that concerned me to my boss. Something wasn’t balancing as it should which meant that somewhere, somehow an error was been made. More than likely, this error will be simple to fix, but it may take me some time to locate the error and make a correcting entry. I was already disappointed in myself for not noticing this problem weeks earlier; but when I saw the disappointment on my boss’ face and heard it in his voice my disappointment turned to something closer to dread. I was very upset with myself for letting my boss down. I hate letting anyone down, but my boss is a good boss and I really, really hated letting him down.

This evening I pulled out the women’s devotional book I have been studying. Today’s reading was about being a good steward and giving wisely. The suggested reading was the end of Mark chapter 12; but when I was through with those verses I continued through chapter 13. Verses 32 through 37 practically jumped off the page at me. “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. It’s like a man going away; He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with his assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.

“Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back – whether in evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping.”

My boss didn’t find me sleeping. I found myself sleeping and then had to explain to him how I had let him down. I didn’t like admitting it, but I had no excuse. I allowed myself to be distracted by other things. The other things were important as well, but those tasks should not have taken all of my focus so that I did not see this error until now.

While reading Mark chapter 13 this evening, I realized I let Someone down every day – Someone much more important than my boss. I read my Bible, I attend small group Bible studies, I listen to Christian music; but if God chose tonight to send His Son in all His power and glory to gather His children, He would find that this child has slept way too much lately. I have watched for the signs that many people recognize  – wars, persecution of Christians, famine, earthquakes,  etc. – but I have allowed these signs which are on the news quite regularly to distract me. Instead of serving Jesus, I have been focused on the signs of His return. I cannot imagine the dread I would feel if He showed up when I wasn’t paying attention – while I was sleeping. Oh, what a horrible feeling that would be!

It is time for me, for all of us, to wake up. We need to stop focusing on the signs that were prophesied and start serving the One those prophesies were pointing to return. We need to make sure we are ready, and we need to make sure the people around us are ready. We need to be doing the tasks He has assigned to each of us and let Him handle the rest.

Don’t just watch for His return. Serve Him while you watch.

Stop Trying to Understand

“I just don’t understand how they could do this to me.” I have heard this said so many times over the years and recently have said it myself several times. When someone you have loved for many years decides to act in a way that destroys the relationship you have with him or her, the pain you feel can overwhelm you and trigger a multitude of feelings and questions. You may feel like I recently did: stuck in a pit of quicksand, slipping a little deeper every time I tried to answer another “how could he” question. As much as I would like to know the answers to each of the questions I think of, I have decided it may be best if I don’t understand them and can never answer them. Isaiah 55:3,6-9 says, “Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life….Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously. ‘My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,’ says the Lord. ‘And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts….'” Nowhere in this passage does God instruct us to study so we may understand the thoughts and actions of other people. Nowhere does He say we will understand what other people do or why they do it. What He does tell us is that we need to listen to Him and study His ways. The more we understand God’s ways, the less we will understand the ways of man including the men or women who hurt us. Stop trying to understand how someone you love could do something that hurts you deeply. If you understand it, you are capable of doing it yourself. You are almost always better off not understanding it and not being capable of it. This is almost always the only way out of the quicksand. 

New Happiness Despite Old Circumstances

If someone had told me a year ago that I would be where I am today, I would have told them they were crazy. Not only would I have never allowed things to spin this far out of control, I would never have been able to survive as things are now.

If someone had told me six months ago that everything that my life was would be gone in three months, I would have told them they were as wrong as wrong could be.

If someone had told me three months ago that I would soon be happier than I had been in over two decades, I would have told them they had no idea what they were talking about and obviously didn’t know me very well. At that time I was too devestated to really, truly function or see any possibility of happiness in my future.

Guess what. In each of these instances I would have been the one who was wrong. When I look back on the multitude of major changes that have taken place during this difficult time in my life, I visualize a big box that my life was carefully packed away in. Some of my life was packed neatly and organized and some was simply thrown into the box with the rest. Regardless of how or when it was placed in the box, each item was very valuable to me. Once my whole life was packed away to keep it safe, someone snatched the box from the place l had hidden it for safety.  They flipped it upside down and shook until the entire box, my life, was empty, handed that empty box to me, stomped on much of the contents and then smugly walked away.

I felt lost at first, frozen and unable to think. After some time had passed, I knelt down on the floor and began to try to put everything back in the box, but the box seemed much smaller now. After a while I realized that the broken pieces of my life wouldn’t fit in the box any more. I had a difficult time fitting everything in the box before it was dumped and was now faced with the task of trying to shove every broken piece, big or small, into a space never made to hold so much. It couldn’t be done.

With tears flowing down my face, I removed each broken piece of my life and spread them neatly around the floor beside the box. I gazed upon them and mourned my losses. How could I continue without these pieces of my life whether they were whole or broken? I tried desperately to find a way to glue the shattered pieces back together. I insisted I would succeed, but after a while I realized I was lying to myself. No amount of glue or tape could ever fix these shattered pieces and make them whole again, and they could not fit back into the box I held no matter how I tried. I didn’t know what to do.

I knew I couldn’t go on without these pieces but they couldn’t be fixed. I cried and I cried…a lot, and then I began to pack the unbroken items back into the box. Even these unbroken pieces were marred in some way by scratches, bruises, dents or cracks, but they were still intact despite their scars. As I placed the last of the unbroken pieces of my life into the box, I saw something through the tears welled up in my eyes. My box was full and not because it was smaller. My box had grown in size and the scarred but unbroken pieces of my life that now resided in this box had grown, too. 

The box I packed my life into was completely full and it no longer seemed like anything was missing. The shattered pieces on the floor around me were no longer important. I had thought for over two decades that each item I had packed away was extremely important and irreplaceable. I had packed each of my precious “belongings” away to protect them, but all that I had really accomplished was to hold on to them for two decades longer than God wanted me to. These things had no real value and actually lowered the value of the other pieces of my life.

My life outside of my imaginary box has changed considerably. Some of the changes were painful to live through but each and every one of them was needed and has brought me to a new place in my life…a new place where I feel respected, wanted and loved.

Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

I thought I would not survive the complete change my life has been through; but, as it says in Isaiah 43:2, I did not drown or burn. I made it and I am happy for the first time in many, many years.

From Shattered Glass to a Vase of Roses

I want you to picture someone and something in your mind. Think of the person you love who has hurt you the most. The pain this person has caused you could be from something he or she said, or did, or neglected to do, or any number of things. Regardless of what happened, the pain that you felt or may still feel is unlike any other you have ever felt because of the love you have given to them. The individual you are thinking of is standing next to a coffee table. Resting on the table is the most beautiful glass vase you have ever seen. The vase is made of clear glass with swirls of color flowing through it. The vase holds a colorful blend of flowers. You have had this vase for many, many years and have always made sure the flowers it held were fresh and beautiful. You now think of this vase as a treasured heirloom to pass down to your children.

Now I want you to envision this person you love pick up your vase full of flowers. They smile as they examine the thing of beauty they now hold in their hands. Just as the smile envelopes his or her face and they seem to be almost entranced by the beauty they are holding, the smile which now reaches his or her eyes changes. You cannot describe or explain the change, but you see it clearly and know something has gone terribly wrong. Without warning, this person you have loved hurls the vase against a stone wall that encases the flames burning in a fireplace. You stand frozen in shock for seconds that feel more like hours or days. You cannot move. You cannot breath. You cannot think. You cannot understand. You can only stare in silence as your emotions try to process what you have just witnessed.

Eventually, you begin to feel as though your life has been shattered. You feel like you have been violated by the look of pleasure on your loved one’s face. You feel devastated and refuse to allow yourself to look at the shards and slivers of glass as they fall to the hearth in front of the flames. At first, the sheer pleasure you see in his or her eyes hurts you deeply. After a few more seconds that feel more like hours, you feel a combination of sadness and anger…but then you see something new in his or her eyes. The ecstasy you saw in their gaze when they looked at the destruction they had caused turned into confusion. The look of confusion turned into a combination of shock and anger. You cannot pull your eyes from watching his or her face and after a moment find you can speak for the first time in seconds that seem like decades. As you look into their eyes you ask, “What is wrong? Why did you do this?” The shock and anger you saw only a moment ago changes into contempt and they walk silently from the room and slam the door. You feel a deep fear because somehow, in some way you cannot explain, you realize this person is gone forever.

You stare for several moments at the now empty spot he or she was standing in. You are confused because you do not know what has caused the ecstasy in their eyes to change to contempt. Your own confusion and curiosity turn your eyes for the first time towards the shattered vase and scattered flowers, but that is not what you see. In the flames you see several large shards and slivers of glass from the vase, but that is not what causes the amazement you now feel. Sitting on the hearth just barely out of the flames is a vase even more beautiful than the first made of clear glass with red swirling through it. In the vase you see two dozen beautiful white roses. In the center of the white roses rests one beautiful red rose. The flowers should be wilting from the heat of the flames; but, instead, you find them in their most beautiful state completely untouched by the flames or even the heat that you can feel while standing across the room. You stand frozen again. At first you are confused but after a few moments your confusion is replaced by awe and wonder. You are truly amazed by the miracle you gaze upon.

You may have already applied this analogy to your life; but, if not, let’s try it now. The first vase of flowers is your life. It is everything you have ever known and ever loved. It is even the very air you breath. When the vase was thrown against the stone wall, your entire life was being shattered by the actions of someone else. This person was selfish and felt enjoyment from the pain they caused you. Their enjoyment ended the moment he or she realized the slivers of glass that landed in the flames represented them, while the new vase and roses represented your new life without them. He or she will forever be discarded slivers that have no place in the life you have now. The single red rose represents Jesus Christ who is the only One who can turn the slivers of your life into a beautiful miracle.

Psalm 107:19-21 states, “Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them. He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.” The shattered vase and scattered flowers was my old life; but, by the grace of God, the beautiful vase of roses is my new life. I have a lot to thank God for in my new life. He has blessed me in more ways than I can put to words.

Flinching in Fear

Have you ever seen a dog or a child who flinches when an adult moves suddenly and unexpectedly?  My new best friend, Lucy, is a 2 year old great dane.  I adopted her about a month ago to ease the loneliness during and after my recent divorce.   Two days ago I picked up the broom and carried it past Lucy to another room. I thought Lucy was focused on her food bowl, but the moment she saw the broom in my hand she flinched and crouched in fear.  I felt so horrible for scaring her.  Even though I was not the actual cause of her fear, I was the trigger on that particular day. 

There was little I could do to calm her.  I put the broom on the floor and coaxed her from her crouching and trembling position.  I tried to get her to sniff the broom and become comfortable with it. I had very little luck that night.  Lucy will eventually learn that she is safe with me despite the broom I may hold, but it will take time.  I’m sure she will need to see me pick up that broom and do nothing but sweep the floor with it for quite a while before her fears are gone.

Physical flinching is usually easy to see and identify,  but there are other forms of flinching that cannot be so easily recognized.  I realized just this morning that I “flinch” with my emotions.  If you have read my other recent posts, you already know I am going through a divorce after nearly 25 years of marriage.   The longer we are apart, the more I see how disfunctional and destructive our relationship has been.  (Please don’t assume I was physically abused.  I was not.)  I don’t flinch at a broom or fist or anything physical.   Just this morning, however, I came to the realization that I “flinch” emotionally.

I have an old friend who has become a close friend in recent weeks.  He and I have spent hours sharing a great deal of the experiences both of us have had in the last couple of decades since we have seen each other.  After a time, our conversations have become more personal and I enjoy them.  He frequently gives me sweet words of affirmation that would make my heart melt if my emotions didn’t tend to flinch the moment his pleasant words hit my ears.  During the last several years, words of affirmation were used almost exclusively in inappropriate ways.  They were occasionally used to precede criticism.   They were frequently used to distract me from the truth going on around me so that I would believe whatever lie was flowing in that particular moment in time. 

I believe my friend is sincere when he speaks his sweet words, but my emotional reaction is almost always to flinch when I hear them and to brace myself for whatever bad experience will follow.  I have no reason to have this reaction to his words.  He has done nothing to hurt me.  Sadly, in this time when my emotions are still so raw from the fresh wounds that have been spoken over the old emotional scars, I flinch in my heart much as Lucy still does when I pick up the broom. 

It hurts me to see Lucy flinch as she does, and I’m sure it hurts my friend when I do the same.  I feel so bad that he is basically reaping consequences of someone else’s actions.  It is not his fault, and it is unfair of me to hurt or frustrate him when he is only being kind and thoughtful.  I try so hard not to let the insecurities that accompany the emotional flinch to take over my thoughts in these moments, but I usually fail with these efforts.  Sometimes, just simply hearing him call me “beautiful” will trigger a flinch that brings with it a low to medium level of fear.  I am so afraid at times to believe his words that I feel almost suffocated by that fear.  I am afraid to trust.  I am afraid to feel anything emotional.  I am afraid to feel anything physical. 

My friend has not done a single thing to cause my fears.  He has simply done something I am sure is natural for him to do.  He has spoken words to melt my heart, but those words have been used by another in a different way.  I must find a way to stop the emotional flinching, but it will take time to heal my heart and emotions.  It will take time for me to trust anyone but God; but, when I put my trust in God, I find the strength to calm my natural tendency to fear and emotionally flinch with the trigger of innocent words.

John 14:27 states, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Fear

What is the one thing you fear more than anything else? You fear this thing so much that you don’t even want to put words to it, to speak it aloud. Now picture that thing in your mind. Picture it clearly and vividly. How does it make you feel to visualize it? What other feelings accompany the fear you feel when you force your mind to visualize this dreaded image…anxiety, pain, sadness, guilt, anger, hate?

I rarely watch the local, national or world news any more.  Occasionally, a news program may share a story of heroism, generosity, or compassion; but, more often than not, listening to any news program triggers sadness and fear.  ISIS, Boko Haram, Iran, bombings, religious mass murder, shootings, kidnappings, plane crashes and disappearances, storms, rapes, pestilence, drought, famine, economic recession, and a list that can go on forever. These are the stories we hear in vivid details that no one in their right mind wants to visualize. This is the world we live in. This is the world left to us by our parents, and this is the world our children will inherit from us.

Did our parents teach us to fear? Are we teaching our children to fear? As terrible as world events have become, as paralyzing as personal tragedies can be, we all have the ability and responsibility to keep living, keep loving, keep going, and to teach our children the same. Most importantly, we need to teach our children to be happy as they are. Matthew 6:25-27 quotes Jesus instruction to us about fear.  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who among you by worrying can add a single day to his life.”

It may appear like everything in the world is spiraling out of control and we may fear that our own lives will be touched by some tragic event, but we should never allow our minds to dwell upon these possibilities. Anything could happen at any time. No amount of fear will truly remove the possibility that something tragic may happen in your life. Choose to let go of your fear. Choose to live today focusing on today rather than to live today by allowing your fear to focus on a possible event that may never happen.

“I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled.  Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us.  Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights (Habakkuk 3:16-19).”