Tag: blessing

Am I a Songbird, a Crow, or Silent?

What kind of bird am I? Do I sing with the rest of the choir when the sun is shining but keep my beak clamped shut when my life is overcast? Worse yet, do I sit on my tree-top and squalk at those around me like a crow no matter how my surroundings appear?

I look forward to walking out the door of my apartment each morning. Not only am I escaping my tiny box of a home that I share with my 110 plus pound great dane and way-too-fat cat, I also enjoy the morning choir of songbirds that I am almost always blessed to listen to as I walk to my car each day. The chirping and singing is so cheerful it can brighten even the darkest of my moods as I make that short treck to the parking lot.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I glanced out the window and found the skies to be overcast and dreary. I continued getting ready without noticing that my good mood was starting to cloud over with the skies. Though my life is really blessed and I have been very happy lately, I was allowing the blah-ness of the day to affect me without realizing it. When I had completed my morning routine, I grabbed my purse, lunch and keys and headed for my car. My thoughts were consumed by my schedule for the day and shadowed over by the clouds overhead, but about ten feet out my apartment door I heard something that stopped me in my tracks.

Despite the cloudy, dreary-looking skies, I could hear birds singing. I didn’t hear as many voices in the choir as on a sunny day, but that didn’t effect the beauty of their song. I forgot about my to-do list. I forgot about the clouds hiding the sun. I remembered just how blessed I am. I remembered how happy I am. Then I had a random thought. What kind of bird am I?

Do I sing with the rest of the choir when the sun is shining but keep my beak clamped shut when my life is overcast? Worse yet, do I sit on my tree-top and squalk at those around me like a crow no matter how my surroundings appear? I would love to say I continue my song even when I can’t feel the warmth of the sun’s rays on me, but I know I fail at this more often than not. These random thoughts reminded me of the Apostle Paul when he said, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want (Philippians 4:12, NIV).”

Am I content with my life so that I can sing my way through sunshine, clouds or rain? Am I content with my life so that I can lift some else’s spirit through the clouds or rain? I should sing despite the dark days. The Holy Spirit should be able to use me to lift the spirit of others on the overcast days we share. I should be a songbird no matter the skies.

New Happiness Despite Old Circumstances

If someone had told me a year ago that I would be where I am today, I would have told them they were crazy. Not only would I have never allowed things to spin this far out of control, I would never have been able to survive as things are now.

If someone had told me six months ago that everything that my life was would be gone in three months, I would have told them they were as wrong as wrong could be.

If someone had told me three months ago that I would soon be happier than I had been in over two decades, I would have told them they had no idea what they were talking about and obviously didn’t know me very well. At that time I was too devestated to really, truly function or see any possibility of happiness in my future.

Guess what. In each of these instances I would have been the one who was wrong. When I look back on the multitude of major changes that have taken place during this difficult time in my life, I visualize a big box that my life was carefully packed away in. Some of my life was packed neatly and organized and some was simply thrown into the box with the rest. Regardless of how or when it was placed in the box, each item was very valuable to me. Once my whole life was packed away to keep it safe, someone snatched the box from the place l had hidden it for safety.  They flipped it upside down and shook until the entire box, my life, was empty, handed that empty box to me, stomped on much of the contents and then smugly walked away.

I felt lost at first, frozen and unable to think. After some time had passed, I knelt down on the floor and began to try to put everything back in the box, but the box seemed much smaller now. After a while I realized that the broken pieces of my life wouldn’t fit in the box any more. I had a difficult time fitting everything in the box before it was dumped and was now faced with the task of trying to shove every broken piece, big or small, into a space never made to hold so much. It couldn’t be done.

With tears flowing down my face, I removed each broken piece of my life and spread them neatly around the floor beside the box. I gazed upon them and mourned my losses. How could I continue without these pieces of my life whether they were whole or broken? I tried desperately to find a way to glue the shattered pieces back together. I insisted I would succeed, but after a while I realized I was lying to myself. No amount of glue or tape could ever fix these shattered pieces and make them whole again, and they could not fit back into the box I held no matter how I tried. I didn’t know what to do.

I knew I couldn’t go on without these pieces but they couldn’t be fixed. I cried and I cried…a lot, and then I began to pack the unbroken items back into the box. Even these unbroken pieces were marred in some way by scratches, bruises, dents or cracks, but they were still intact despite their scars. As I placed the last of the unbroken pieces of my life into the box, I saw something through the tears welled up in my eyes. My box was full and not because it was smaller. My box had grown in size and the scarred but unbroken pieces of my life that now resided in this box had grown, too. 

The box I packed my life into was completely full and it no longer seemed like anything was missing. The shattered pieces on the floor around me were no longer important. I had thought for over two decades that each item I had packed away was extremely important and irreplaceable. I had packed each of my precious “belongings” away to protect them, but all that I had really accomplished was to hold on to them for two decades longer than God wanted me to. These things had no real value and actually lowered the value of the other pieces of my life.

My life outside of my imaginary box has changed considerably. Some of the changes were painful to live through but each and every one of them was needed and has brought me to a new place in my life…a new place where I feel respected, wanted and loved.

Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

I thought I would not survive the complete change my life has been through; but, as it says in Isaiah 43:2, I did not drown or burn. I made it and I am happy for the first time in many, many years.

From Shattered Glass to a Vase of Roses

I want you to picture someone and something in your mind. Think of the person you love who has hurt you the most. The pain this person has caused you could be from something he or she said, or did, or neglected to do, or any number of things. Regardless of what happened, the pain that you felt or may still feel is unlike any other you have ever felt because of the love you have given to them. The individual you are thinking of is standing next to a coffee table. Resting on the table is the most beautiful glass vase you have ever seen. The vase is made of clear glass with swirls of color flowing through it. The vase holds a colorful blend of flowers. You have had this vase for many, many years and have always made sure the flowers it held were fresh and beautiful. You now think of this vase as a treasured heirloom to pass down to your children.

Now I want you to envision this person you love pick up your vase full of flowers. They smile as they examine the thing of beauty they now hold in their hands. Just as the smile envelopes his or her face and they seem to be almost entranced by the beauty they are holding, the smile which now reaches his or her eyes changes. You cannot describe or explain the change, but you see it clearly and know something has gone terribly wrong. Without warning, this person you have loved hurls the vase against a stone wall that encases the flames burning in a fireplace. You stand frozen in shock for seconds that feel more like hours or days. You cannot move. You cannot breath. You cannot think. You cannot understand. You can only stare in silence as your emotions try to process what you have just witnessed.

Eventually, you begin to feel as though your life has been shattered. You feel like you have been violated by the look of pleasure on your loved one’s face. You feel devastated and refuse to allow yourself to look at the shards and slivers of glass as they fall to the hearth in front of the flames. At first, the sheer pleasure you see in his or her eyes hurts you deeply. After a few more seconds that feel more like hours, you feel a combination of sadness and anger…but then you see something new in his or her eyes. The ecstasy you saw in their gaze when they looked at the destruction they had caused turned into confusion. The look of confusion turned into a combination of shock and anger. You cannot pull your eyes from watching his or her face and after a moment find you can speak for the first time in seconds that seem like decades. As you look into their eyes you ask, “What is wrong? Why did you do this?” The shock and anger you saw only a moment ago changes into contempt and they walk silently from the room and slam the door. You feel a deep fear because somehow, in some way you cannot explain, you realize this person is gone forever.

You stare for several moments at the now empty spot he or she was standing in. You are confused because you do not know what has caused the ecstasy in their eyes to change to contempt. Your own confusion and curiosity turn your eyes for the first time towards the shattered vase and scattered flowers, but that is not what you see. In the flames you see several large shards and slivers of glass from the vase, but that is not what causes the amazement you now feel. Sitting on the hearth just barely out of the flames is a vase even more beautiful than the first made of clear glass with red swirling through it. In the vase you see two dozen beautiful white roses. In the center of the white roses rests one beautiful red rose. The flowers should be wilting from the heat of the flames; but, instead, you find them in their most beautiful state completely untouched by the flames or even the heat that you can feel while standing across the room. You stand frozen again. At first you are confused but after a few moments your confusion is replaced by awe and wonder. You are truly amazed by the miracle you gaze upon.

You may have already applied this analogy to your life; but, if not, let’s try it now. The first vase of flowers is your life. It is everything you have ever known and ever loved. It is even the very air you breath. When the vase was thrown against the stone wall, your entire life was being shattered by the actions of someone else. This person was selfish and felt enjoyment from the pain they caused you. Their enjoyment ended the moment he or she realized the slivers of glass that landed in the flames represented them, while the new vase and roses represented your new life without them. He or she will forever be discarded slivers that have no place in the life you have now. The single red rose represents Jesus Christ who is the only One who can turn the slivers of your life into a beautiful miracle.

Psalm 107:19-21 states, “Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them. He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.” The shattered vase and scattered flowers was my old life; but, by the grace of God, the beautiful vase of roses is my new life. I have a lot to thank God for in my new life. He has blessed me in more ways than I can put to words.

Lucy – My First Step to Independence

If you have read my last post, you know that my life has recently been turned upside down. My husband and I are in the midst of a divorce to end our 25 year relationship, and I am living with my 22 year old son. Nothing in my life is recognizable as even similar to what my life was a year ago or even six months ago.

In the last few years, my husband has been very controlling. Everything was his way or no way. I was unable to please him in any way, and years ago I gave up trying to please him at all. I should not have given up. Doing so did not help our marriage but, more importantly, it did not help me. I became accustomed to failing as a wife and being criticized daily. I stopped trying to succeed as a wife because I could never please him in any way. I was always wrong and was never truly allowed to make any decisions or freely express an opinion on anything without some form of backlash.

Enough with the past…Let’s move forward to the present. I feel a peace at my son’s house that I have never felt before. There is no drama. There is no arguing. There is nothing to create stress. It is truly amazing to experience true peace for the first time in nearly 43 years of life, but peace does not travel alone. Peace pairs with quiet. My son’s job requires that he works out of town for a week or two at a time. When he is gone, his house is quiet, too quiet. It is so quiet that I feared the depression I have fought for many years and only recently walked out of would return.

I don’t like being alone. I don’t like sleeping alone. I don’t like having no one to talk to or watch a movie with on the evenings when my son is out of town. I wanted Hank. Hank is a half English mastiff and half great dane we got for my daughter two years ago. My daughter loves him dearly and has worked with him so much that he is a perfect gentle giant in whatever environment she takes him to. Hank loves and respects my daughter, but Hank chose me as a friend. I don’t know why, but he has always been very attached to me. I missed him and wanted to bring him to my son’s house to live with me, but I knew my daughter would be devastated. I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t hurt her any more than this divorce is already doing, but I missed Hank so much that I cried frequently about him.

As soon as I moved in with my son, he started suggesting that he should get a puppy since he had me to take care of it while he worked out of town. I have told him numerous times that I was not going to take care of a puppy because I had too much going on right now. Then I realized I needed a companion and a puppy seemed like an excellent idea, so after five weeks of telling my son, “No, we cannot get a puppy,” I called my son and asked him if I could get a puppy. He immediately told me I could and then teased me about my complete reversal.

I decided I was going to get the dog I always wanted but my husband always told me I could not have. I wanted a harlequin great dane puppy. I searched online and found the exact puppy I wanted. It was within my price range and seemed too good to be true. I was so excited…until I found out it really was too good to be true. It was a scam. I was devestated. I was finally making my first big decision for my own happiness without having to answer to my husband, but that decision fell apart. I cried that evening because I felt like my entire world had been turned upside down and God must have been punishing me by making one more thing go against me. I was so very wrong.

My best friend knew how sad I was about the puppy. I didn’t know she was spending the entire evening trying to find me a great dane until she called me to tell me she found one. It was not a puppy. It was a 2 year old female, rather than the male puppy I wanted and I was very skeptical. I didn’t think I was going to like the dog but I contacted the owners. Not only was she not the age nor gender I wanted, she was also not a harlequin marked dane. My son suggested we drive to Georgia and at least meet the dog. I really didn’t think there was a chance that she was a dog I would want…but then I met her.

Lucy did not fit any of the criteria I had set in place for the dog I wanted, but God knew what I needed. I had prayed frequently that He would give me the puppy that I wanted, but He answered those prayers with a firm, “No.” Instead, He gave me Lucy. Lucy is so much like Hank that it is almost like he is here with me. She has his personality, his mannerisms, his size, his habits… She is absolutely precious. It took only moments for Lucy to win my love.

I’m sure you have heard that country song that says, “I thank God for unanswered prayers.” That is how I feel about Lucy. She is an amazing companion. She is happy and energetic and likes to snuggle on the couch and sit in your lap, though she sits taller on the couch than I do. She will sit beside me and watch movies. She even sleeps in my waterbed with me most nights and has only put one hole in it. I could never have found a more perfect companion than Lucy. If God had given me what I wanted instead of what He gave me, I would have missed out on His blessing, because Lucy is truly a blessing from God.