Hidden Headlights

This Christmas season, I have done a bit more thinking than I normally do about the Christmas season as a whole…the Christmas lights and tree and other decorations, the original reason for our celebrations, the way Christmas has become so commercialized in the last few decades, the way we take for granted that everyone we celebrate with this year will be here to celebrate with us next year.

Many years ago I drove a gorgeous, black, 1980-something TransAm. It had all the options, gold ground effects, nice wheels, and T-tops, of course. I loved that car. I looked good driving that car. I did have one problem with it, though. After I had driven it for a while, the headlights started to stick. They would turn on, but they wouldn’t open out of the hood like they were supposed to. I had lights, but no one could see them. I may as well not have had any lights at all.

This Christmas season, I have done a bit more thinking than I normally do about the Christmas season as a whole…the Christmas lights and tree and other decorations, the original reason for our celebrations, the way Christmas has become so commercialized in the last few decades, the way we take for granted that everyone we celebrate with this year will be here to celebrate with us next year. I have thought a lot about the loss of both sets of my grandparents, the loss of a close friend of my boyfriend, the loss of another friend’s father, and the many people I know who are feeling the recent loss of a close relationship. We’ve all heard the old saying, “We don’t know what tomorrow may bring;” but we don’t always take it seriously until it is too late.

In Matthew chapter 5, versus 14 through 16 Jesus said, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” If you are a forgiven child of God, you have a light in the form of the Holy Spirit living in you. Do you let that light shine so the people around you can see it? Do you, instead, keep it “under the hood” and hidden most of the time? Do the people closest to you know you are a Christian? Do you play it safe in this difficult political climate our nation is in and keep your light private so only you and those closest to you can see it?

We really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. We don’t know if the people around us will be here in another year, month, week, day or even hour. We have been instructed by Jesus to keep our light shining so that those around us can see it and come to know God by seeing His light in us. If your light cannot be clearly seen, take the necessary steps to uncover it and make it shine brightly. Just like I had to have someone work on my car so the lights would open out of the hood and be seen, we should take our hearts to the One who can make sure we are shining like a headlight on the narrow road.

A Look Back…At Worry

It amazes me when I read back through things I wrote just one year ago. So much has changed. Actually, everything has changed, but everything is so much better for that change that I fought against. I worry very little now in comparison to just a few months ago when worry consumed me. I love the life I have now. I love my kids; I love the wonderful man in my life; and I love my dog. God has truly blessed me, and when I gave up on all the worrying He took control and weeded out the things He never wanted me to worry about.

You can see how far I’ve come by reading my post from a year ago using the link below.

http://wp.me/s55ncY-worry

My New Year’s Resolution

As hard as I’m going to work on becoming physically healthy this year, my physical health will not be my main focus. My new year’s resolution for 2016 is to become healthy in EVERY aspect of my life. To do this, I must concentrate my greatest focus on becoming spiritually healthy.

I have put a lot of thought into what will be my new year’s resolution for 2016. It needs to be realistic so that I don’t give up by week three of January. I realize fitness as a new year’s resolution is so common that it is almost a joke, but I desperately need to get healthy. I have lived way too many years with the thought that I’m young enough to concentrate on getting healthy “next year” but “next year” never came. I woke up this morning feeling tired and old and wondering when “next year” passed me by. All I do know is that it must have been a very long time ago because I have felt old and tired for a very long time. This week I plan to research diet and exercise plans and find the one that I am most likely to stick with and, therefore, most likely to be successful with.

As hard as I’m going to work on becoming physically healthy this year, my physical health will not be my main focus. My new year’s resolution for 2016 is to become healthy in EVERY aspect of my life. To do this, I must concentrate my greatest focus on becoming spiritually healthy. I Timothy 4:7b-8 says, “…train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” This year I plan to…no, scratch that. This year I WILL become healthy. I will focus my mind on my relationship with God and become a better steward of everything He has given me, especially on my body which desperately needs both spiritual and physical toning.

At the End of the Day…

During my lunch break today, I ran some errands. The first stop was to the post office closest to my office. I only have an hour for lunch, so I assure you I cringed inwardly at the long line and the fact that only one person was working the counter.

During my lunch break today, I ran some errands. The first stop was to the post office closest to my office. I only have an hour for lunch, so I assure you I cringed inwardly at the long line and the fact that only one person was working the counter. “I am in a hurry and this post office should know better than to have only one person working when so many people will be running their errands during their lunches. Good grief! And it’s Christmas package mailing season on top of that,” I thought to myself. I watched silently not revealing my thoughts as the line slowly crept forward and did my best to hold a smile on my face even though I didn’t feel that smile in my heart during those moments. It didn’t take me long to realize the young woman at the counter was being trained by the man standing beside her.

In the fifteen minutes I was in that line, I heard four people make a string of very loud comments about how slow the line was and how inadequate the service was. There was not one person in that room smiling…or even not frowning…other than the young woman at the counter and myself.

When it was finally my turn in the line I bought my stamps, paid my postage and told her to keep smiling. “You are doing a great job. Ignore anything that says otherwise from the other customers today. I mean it. You’re doing a great job and while in training, too. Don’t let them get you down.” Her smile grew just a little as her trainer smiled at me and told me he had said the same things to her this morning.

Did I get all my errands run during my lunch today? No, but does it really matter? The errands missed will get done after work tonight or during lunch tomorrow. I wanted them done today, but at the end of the day will this really matter enough to give it another frustrated thought? No.

Did any of the other customers in that post office today change their circumstances by scowling or saying what they thought about the service? No, they continued to stand in that line until they made it to the counter and took care of their business.  When they were done, they left with their frowns showing clearly on their faces and their negativity showing clearly on their hearts. I’m sure many if not all vented afterwards about their visit to the post office to everyone they spoke to that afternoon, but what does venting about it accomplish? It spreads the negativity in the heart of the complainer to the mind of the listener. Sadly, that negativity will spread not just to the minds of the listeners but also to the hearts of some listeners.

Wouldn’t this world be a better place if instead of venting about minutes lost, we chose to spread grace and mercy from heart to heart this holiday season? At the end of the day…at the end of all days…it’s the condition of the heart that matters. Does the condition of your heart encourage or discourage other people who cross your path each day?

Not a New Chapter, but a New Book

As I have traveled the difficult road through divorce this year, several people have suggested I consider the many changes as a new chapter in the book of my life. I disagree. What I am living right now is not a new chapter. It is a completely new book. I will not let anyone wrestle the pen and blank pages from my hands this time. I will hold the pen and I will fill the pages. This new book will not be like the last. It will not be able to be labeled as a drama full of sadness and betrayal as the last book could be. If this new book were to be labeled to put on a shelf, it would be considered an inspirational novel full of love, passion and spiritual growth.

The Difference Between Doing and Living

Have you ever been so tired that no matter how hard you tried you just couldn’t hold your eyes open and you were not somewhere you wanted to be caught sleeping?  On one particular day during my junior year of high school I was sitting at one of the long science tables in physics class trying very unsuccessfully to stay awake.  Mr. W. was a great teacher who entertained his classes with hilarious stories, but he spoke very monotone and the steady tone of his voice worked on me just like a lullaby does to a baby.  I don’t remember who had the pleasure of waking me up that day, but I will never forget being startled awake and feeling so embarrassed.  I felt like the focal point for the entire class whether they were paying attention or not.

If you follow my blog or happened to read my last post, you may remember that it was about the individual person being distracted by the things going on in his or her life and the distractions found on the news or social media.  In the Gospel of Mark, chapter 13, verses 32 through 33 Jesus says, “No one knows the day or hour when these things [His return] will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself.  And since you don’t know when they will happen, stay alert and keep watch.”

I don’t want to be embarrassed again by falling asleep somewhere I shouldn’t, but the thought of Jesus catching me asleep when I am supposed to be a living example of His love is… I don’t even have words to describe how horrible that would be.  There have been many times in my life during which I have watched for His return and there are other times when I have allowed distractions to take His place as my focal point.  I have recently realized that during some of the times I thought I was being watchful for Him I was actually being distracted by what I thought was His service.  I was doing the “right things” as I understood those things in Scripture, but I wasn’t really living those right things in the right way.  What if I’m not the only one?  What if Jesus comes back and finds not only me sleeping but whole congregations sleeping as well?  What can slip past the sleeping congregations and sit right down on the pew beside each member?

The book of Revelations, chapters two and three consist of letters dictated by Jesus to the churches of Biblical times and they tell us exactly what can happen when the congregation is sleeping.  The first letter is written to the church in Ephesus and should be a wake-up call to churches today.  “I know all the things you do.  I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance.  I know you don’t tolerate evil people…  But I have this complaint against you.  You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!  Look how far you have fallen from your first love!  Turn back to me again and work as you did at first.”  In His letter to the church in Sardis Jesus said, “I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive – but you are dead.  Now wake up!  Strengthen what little remains for even what is left is at the point of death.”

The accusations against these churches were written in letters to those congregations, but they were included in Scripture for a reason.  God doesn’t simply want us to know what He said to these churches that have been gone for centuries.  He wants us to realize He is talking to the churches of today, too – my church, your church, the church around the corner and the church across town.

The churches of today need to wake up and open their eyes to the things going on around them and even within their own congregations.  In His letter to the church in Thyatica Jesus speaks of a woman, Jezebel, doing and encouraging sin within the church.  All churches have a Jezebel at some point in time.  Most churches have a Jezebel right now whether they realize it or not.  Jezebel could open the church up to many things such as gossip, lies, theft, or even drugs, sexual immorality or idolatry and false teaching.  The important thing with all church Jezebels is that the church handle the situation Scripturally.  Is she allowed to continue her behavior while various people pray for her to change?  Is she spoken to about her behavior but allowed to continue with it?  Is her behavior addressed according to the instructions presented in Scripture?  There may be times in the life of the church that His children look around themselves with concern and fear because their Jezebel seems so strong or out of control, but rest assured God will not allow Jezebel to continue forever.  In His letter to the church of Thyatira Jesus warns, “I gave her time to repent, but she would not turn away from her immorality.  Therefore, I will throw her upon a sickbed, and she will suffer greatly with all who commit adultery with her, unless they turn away from all their evil deeds.  I will strike her children dead.  And all the churches will know that I am the one who searches out the thoughts and intentions of every person.  And I will give each of you whatever you deserve….”  I’m not sure how you feel about that part of His letter, but I find it a little scary for the church.  Jezebel’s children are not necessarily the ones she has physically given birth to.  They could just as easily be other members of the church family who have become actively or passively involved in her behavior.

Jesus always leaves us with hope, however, such as the promise in his letter to the church in Philadelphia.  “I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can shut.  You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me.  Look!  I will force those who belong to Satan [including Jezebel and her children] – those liars who say they are Jews [children of God] but are not – to come and bow down at your feet.  They will acknowledge that you are the ones I love.  Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world.” What an awesome promise!

This post jumps around a bit in topic, but it can be applied to both the individual person and the church body. Stop doing the right things because they are the right things to do; and start living, really living the right way. Would you rather stand before Jesus at His judgement seat and hear Him say you obeyed Him, or would you rather hear Him say you lived your life in a way that other people saw Him through you? The choice is yours.

Don’t be Found Sleeping

I work in finance in a medium sized public service organization. Last week, in the last five minutes of the workweek, I took some information that concerned me to my boss. Something wasn’t balancing as it should which meant that somewhere, somehow an error was been made. More than likely, this error will be simple to fix, but it may take me some time to locate the error and make a correcting entry. I was already disappointed in myself for not noticing this problem weeks earlier; but when I saw the disappointment on my boss’ face and heard it in his voice my disappointment turned to something closer to dread. I was very upset with myself for letting my boss down. I hate letting anyone down, but my boss is a good boss and I really, really hated letting him down.

This evening I pulled out the women’s devotional book I have been studying. Today’s reading was about being a good steward and giving wisely. The suggested reading was the end of Mark chapter 12; but when I was through with those verses I continued through chapter 13. Verses 32 through 37 practically jumped off the page at me. “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. It’s like a man going away; He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with his assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.

“Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back – whether in evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping.”

My boss didn’t find me sleeping. I found myself sleeping and then had to explain to him how I had let him down. I didn’t like admitting it, but I had no excuse. I allowed myself to be distracted by other things. The other things were important as well, but those tasks should not have taken all of my focus so that I did not see this error until now.

While reading Mark chapter 13 this evening, I realized I let Someone down every day – Someone much more important than my boss. I read my Bible, I attend small group Bible studies, I listen to Christian music; but if God chose tonight to send His Son in all His power and glory to gather His children, He would find that this child has slept way too much lately. I have watched for the signs that many people recognize  – wars, persecution of Christians, famine, earthquakes,  etc. – but I have allowed these signs which are on the news quite regularly to distract me. Instead of serving Jesus, I have been focused on the signs of His return. I cannot imagine the dread I would feel if He showed up when I wasn’t paying attention – while I was sleeping. Oh, what a horrible feeling that would be!

It is time for me, for all of us, to wake up. We need to stop focusing on the signs that were prophesied and start serving the One those prophesies were pointing to return. We need to make sure we are ready, and we need to make sure the people around us are ready. We need to be doing the tasks He has assigned to each of us and let Him handle the rest.

Don’t just watch for His return. Serve Him while you watch.

Redirected Pain

If you have followed my blog at all, you know my life has been quite stressful during the last several months. The last year and a half have left me feeling like I am a deer running through a forest with a firing squad of hunters chasing me. I may run out of one hunter’s sights but quickly find myself with another closing in. No matter how fast I run nor how well I hide, I have a constant fear that the next hunter will be the one who hits his mark. I’ve been grazed many times and have scars to prove it, but I often don’t feel like one wound has scarred over before the next is delivered.

Last night I received a unexpected phone call from someone I had not talked to in several months. It was a brief conversation that included good moments and bad, but both the good and the bad left me a great deal to think about in the hours after.

God used that conversation to point out two very important things to me. I already knew the last few years and especially the last few months have triggered feelings of complete distrust. I trust almost no one. Even those few I do trust to never intentionally hurt me, I do not trust to accidentally betray my confidence. This state of complete mistrust is not a pleasant place to find myself. It comes naturally to me to unconsciously look for an ulterior motive in every relationship I have. Most of the time, I don’t even realize I am doing this until I have completed my evaluation of everything said and done in a particular situation or interaction. I don’t know how long I will struggle with this lack of trust, but I have found I am only hurting myself.

The second thing I have recognized after pondering the conversation last night is that I need to change my focus. Yes, my life has been really rough lately and no one would blame me for being exhausted, bitter and angry, but what good does it do me to feel sorry for myself. What purpose do anger and resentment have? I can tell you one thing for sure; exhaustion, anger and resentment, even when justified, serve one single purpose. They keep you from focusing on what God wants you to focus on. It’s that simple. No matter what your circumstances, God can use you in some way to help someone else.

In Mark chapter 8 and verse 2 Jesus says, “I feel sorry for these people. They have been here with me for three days and they have nothing left to eat.” Jesus had already done plenty for these people and numerous others. He had gone well above and beyond and knew that He would eventually pay the ultimate price in His death on the cross in the place of these people and the rest of the world. He was under no obligation to take care of them. He was under no obligation to feed them. He would have been completely justified in leaving at any time to get some much-needed rest and a good meal, but He didn’t. He knew that He could do something more for these people even if it meant He did less for Himself. He knew He would soon suffer a terrible death in the place of humanity yet he still took the time to help these people.

How different would this world be if we, those of us who are already exhausted, bruised and scarred, took the hurt that we feel and directed that pain into helping someone else?

The Other Side of the Valley of Baca

Do you feel like you are wandering through a desert with nothing but sand to see in every direction? I’ve felt at various times in my life like I was in a desert, but those deserts were nothing in comparison to the Valley of Baca I have traveled through this past year.

I’m sure we have all seen at least one movie in which someone is stranded in a desert, trudging through the sand, thirsty, sunburned, so desperate for water and shade that they sometimes see a mirage with a pool of cool, clear water in the shade of some palms.

Psalm 84 talks of one of these deserts called the Valley of Baca. When I googled Baca I found a variety of definitions. One definition describes love, another defines Baca as a specific type of tree, but the most common definition of Baca is a desert known as the Valley of Weeping. Many historians believe travelers on their way to the Feast of Tabernacle would often have no choice but to travel through the Valley of Baca. It is thought that the travelers would often dig a hole in the hopes it would fill with ground water. If that didn’t happen, the hole would be left with the hope that it would fill with rain water that the next weary traveler could drink.

Do you feel like you are in Baca right now? Do you feel like you are wandering through a desert with nothing but sand to see in every direction? I’ve felt at various times in my life like I was in a desert, but those deserts were nothing in comparison to the Valley of Baca I have traveled through this past year.

In these last few months, I have longed for peace and comfort. I have experienced moments of peace in which the hole I dug had filled with water and other moments when I found a hole dug by another traveler that had filled with life-sustaining water through rain. I have walked. I have crawled. I have fallen and rolled down the giant sand dunes like I have seen in movies. I have even been carried through portions of my Valley of Baca. I have cried, I have prayed, I have begged, and I have praised. I have trudged up one sand dune hoping to see a luscious, green valley on the other side, just to drop to my knees and cry when I reach the top and see nothing but sand in all directions on the other side. I have often longed for God to pick me up and hold me in His lap like a child and comfort and protect me.

In Psalm 84:5-9 the Psalmist wrote, “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage.  As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.”

I am here to tell you that I have traveled through Baca and I can see the other side. I am not quite to that beautiful, green grass, but I can almost feel it between my toes. If you are in your own Valley of Baca, don’t give up. Keep going. Dig a hole for water. If you are too tired to dig, find a hole some other traveler has left for you. If you can’t walk any more right now on your own, find another traveler to help you. Keep moving.

“How lovely is Your tabernacle, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young – even Your alters, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they will still be praising You….For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.  I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You” (Psalm 84:1-4,10-12).

Cry out to God and focus on Him. If all you can see right now when you look around you is Baca and God, you have all you need. God carried me through Baca, and He will do the same for you if you will just ask.

Stop Trying to Understand

“I just don’t understand how they could do this to me.” I have heard this said so many times over the years and recently have said it myself several times. When someone you have loved for many years decides to act in a way that destroys the relationship you have with him or her, the pain you feel can overwhelm you and trigger a multitude of feelings and questions. You may feel like I recently did: stuck in a pit of quicksand, slipping a little deeper every time I tried to answer another “how could he” question. As much as I would like to know the answers to each of the questions I think of, I have decided it may be best if I don’t understand them and can never answer them. Isaiah 55:3,6-9 says, “Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life….Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously. ‘My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,’ says the Lord. ‘And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts….'” Nowhere in this passage does God instruct us to study so we may understand the thoughts and actions of other people. Nowhere does He say we will understand what other people do or why they do it. What He does tell us is that we need to listen to Him and study His ways. The more we understand God’s ways, the less we will understand the ways of man including the men or women who hurt us. Stop trying to understand how someone you love could do something that hurts you deeply. If you understand it, you are capable of doing it yourself. You are almost always better off not understanding it and not being capable of it. This is almost always the only way out of the quicksand.