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Am I a Songbird, a Crow, or Silent?

What kind of bird am I? Do I sing with the rest of the choir when the sun is shining but keep my beak clamped shut when my life is overcast? Worse yet, do I sit on my tree-top and squalk at those around me like a crow no matter how my surroundings appear?

I look forward to walking out the door of my apartment each morning. Not only am I escaping my tiny box of a home that I share with my 110 plus pound great dane and way-too-fat cat, I also enjoy the morning choir of songbirds that I am almost always blessed to listen to as I walk to my car each day. The chirping and singing is so cheerful it can brighten even the darkest of my moods as I make that short treck to the parking lot.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I glanced out the window and found the skies to be overcast and dreary. I continued getting ready without noticing that my good mood was starting to cloud over with the skies. Though my life is really blessed and I have been very happy lately, I was allowing the blah-ness of the day to affect me without realizing it. When I had completed my morning routine, I grabbed my purse, lunch and keys and headed for my car. My thoughts were consumed by my schedule for the day and shadowed over by the clouds overhead, but about ten feet out my apartment door I heard something that stopped me in my tracks.

Despite the cloudy, dreary-looking skies, I could hear birds singing. I didn’t hear as many voices in the choir as on a sunny day, but that didn’t effect the beauty of their song. I forgot about my to-do list. I forgot about the clouds hiding the sun. I remembered just how blessed I am. I remembered how happy I am. Then I had a random thought. What kind of bird am I?

Do I sing with the rest of the choir when the sun is shining but keep my beak clamped shut when my life is overcast? Worse yet, do I sit on my tree-top and squalk at those around me like a crow no matter how my surroundings appear? I would love to say I continue my song even when I can’t feel the warmth of the sun’s rays on me, but I know I fail at this more often than not. These random thoughts reminded me of the Apostle Paul when he said, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want (Philippians 4:12, NIV).”

Am I content with my life so that I can sing my way through sunshine, clouds or rain? Am I content with my life so that I can lift some else’s spirit through the clouds or rain? I should sing despite the dark days. The Holy Spirit should be able to use me to lift the spirit of others on the overcast days we share. I should be a songbird no matter the skies.

Faith in God’s Leaders

Brother Gary stood before the members of the congregation which were in attendance for the church business meeting. He calmly, quietly and fairly performed his duties as moderator. I honestly don’t know how he did such a good job considering this meeting was an attempt by some members to put an end to his 14 years as the pastor, but he was very professional in performing the difficult task assigned to him.

I loved Brother Gary and considered him an excellent shepherd to lead this flock, but I had not been a member of this church nearly as long as most. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there were things about Gary I didn’t know. I decided to listen to the arguments, and arguments they were, on both sides with an open mind before deciding how I would vote. 

Though I couldn’t imagine what un-Scriptural actions Gary could have taken, I assumed the group requesting for the vote to remove him would show what they considered evidence of a sinful behavior or evidence that he was leading the congregation away from Biblical principles. I listened. I waited. I prayed. I listened some more. The worst thing anyone could say about Brother Gary was that some times he was “difficult to work with.”

When I realized the sole reason this group of members wanted Gary removed from the pulpit was because he was “difficult to work with” and sometimes stood up to them, I was furious. I felt like this group had not only wasted my time, but they had more importantly wasted God’s time. We could have spent those two hours of lost time in planning community outreach, in planning a mission trip, in ministering to the needy or in praise and worship. Instead, we spent it in an argument that eventually led to a church split. 

If God had wanted Brother Gary removed, He would have provided evidence against Brother Gary. He didn’t. It’s time for the church to remember Who should make leadership decisions. It’s time for the church to have faith in God and trust Him to put the right people in place to shepherd. It’s time for the church to realize God knows better than we do.

In Acts chapter one, the disciples faced the task of choosing a replacement for Judas Iscariot. “So they proposed two men: Joseph called Barsabbas  (also known as Justus) and Matthias. Then they prayed, ‘Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.’ Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles (Acts 1:23-26 NIV).” 

The disciples didn’t form a committee. They didn’t debate candidate qualifications. They let God decide, and then they did something that would be unthinkable today. They had faith that God made the right decision and they set about doing the work He had assigned to them. What if we did that today?

Adventures in Moving – Day 2

As we left the hotel this morning, Lucy braved the elevator like a pro…ferociously standing behind her mommy, hiding. That was better than yesterday, so I won’t complain. (If you don’t know that story, read yesterday’s post.)

The ride was fairly uneventful today, and I really don’t have much to tell. The temperature variance between states was the most dramatic thing for today. Alabama was a nice temperature. Tennessee was a little cooler but still comfortable. Kentucky was the end of my flip-flop wearing for today. Indiana was freezing, and Michigan had me shivering so hard I could barely form words at times. I now have a coat, gloves and something to cover my ears so I’m in pretty good shape…at least I will be when I figure out where I packed my socks.

I must say I am very happy that drive is over for many reasons, the most important of which are Lucy and Romeo. Nearly 1,100 miles with my two pets is kind of like a trip with two toddlers who are very jealous for mom’s attention. Romeo insisted on riding on my lap again today – all day. Lucy still can’t understand why she can’t do the same. 

A couple of hours into the drive this morning, Romeo was reclined on my left leg facing the door while I was driving. Lucy and I thought he was asleep. She gently laid her head down on my right leg. After a couple of seconds, Romeo looked behind him and saw Lucy’s nose close to him. He turned around with that look in his eye that cats get when they are getting ready to explain the rules to someone. As he stretched out his paw reaching across my right leg with his claws extended, his single meow sounded more like “mine.” I’m not kidding. It really did sound like that. Lucy barely jerked her nose to safety in time. She kept her head off my lap for the rest of the trip. Poor thing. 

Well, I know that wasn’t a very exciting read for you, but that’s my day. Now those of you who have asked me for updates on my trip know how much my fur babies love each other.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. God bless!

Adventures in Moving – Day 1

I have Lucy, my 110 pound great dane, on a leash that is wrapped around my left wrist. Romeo, my siamese cat, is in the pet carrier in my left hand. I have a purse and another bag over my left shoulder and I’m pulling my large duffle bag with my right hand. Thank God that bag has wheels. We’ve stopped rather early but I don’t care. Lucy needs to stretch her legs. Romeo is a cat and thinks he needs to be pampered as all cats think they should be. I just need sleep.

Where is room 337? I know the desk clerk said there was an elevator. Where is it? With my duffle flipping over every few seconds as Lucy jerks me towards yet another interesting smell and poor Romeo getting jostled all over the place, we round a corner and there it is – the elevator. The door opens, I enter, Lucy enters and Lucy quickly exits again just as the doors are beginning to close. She was not going to enter that moving metal box willingly. So here I am with my arms over full, using my foot to try to keep the door from closing on the leash as she’s outside the elevator. I finally drag her on and she hunkers down for the short ride up. 

We exit the elevator, Lucy practically bolting from it, find our room and all three of us are in the beautiful king-sized bed within five minutes of entering the room. I don’t think a bed has ever felt so comfortable as tonight after spending an afternoon with Romeo wandering all over the cab of the moving truck meowing and Lucy trying to figure out how she can sit in my lap while I drive.

Today was a rather uneventful day on the road. Hopefully, tomorrow will be the same. This has not been one of my more entertaining posts, but it’s the update on my trip that people keep asking for. If all goes well, tomorrow will be just as boring. 

Hitting the Reset Button

I received the phone call of a lifetime two days ago – a phone call that allows me to hit the reset button on my life.  My first thoughts after that call consisted of, “Wow! How often does that happen?  How often does someone get to reset their entire life?  It must be a rare occurrence.  I am so blessed to have this amazing opportunity!” 

For two days I have lived with joyful thoughts of making plans for my new life and I decided a few minutes ago that tonight was the night to tell everyone about the upcoming changes in my life.  I picked up my journal and pen and wrote the first sentence.  I had a plan for how this blog was going to go, but halfway through the first paragraph it changed.  As I was writing “How often…” I realized I have had numerous opportunities to reset my life.  I’ve just ignored them.

God has led me to many crossroads that would have been much better paths than the one I wandered on for most of my life.  I’ve struggled on the same path for many, many years.  Sometimes the path was easy to travel; but, more often than not, it was covered in obstacles.  I have stumbled in bare feet over sharp gravel.  I have stubbed my toes on numerous boulders.  I have tripped over pot holes.  I have even crawled over walls of debris to stay on a very painful path while ignoring easy detours that could have helped me avoid the debris pile.  I have stopped to glance down crossroads before – crossroads covered in soft grass with beautiful wildflowers lining the sides.  They often looked inviting; but fear of the unknown kept me moving forward, stumbling down my chosen treacherous path.

Eventually, I did take a crossroad but it wasn’t covered in soft grass in the beginning.  It was rough, just not as rough as the road I traveled for so long.  God never gave up on me.  He knew how stubborn I was.  He even knew how long I was going to stumble along before taking the opportunity He gave.  I finally followed His lead.  He led me on the new path for a while and it’s been a good one.  The crossroad I chose was really scary in the beginning and wasn’t without a little sharp gravel, but that’s only because I chose the one with gravel rather than one of the earlier ones with soft grass.

I thought this second path was the one God intended me to follow for the rest of my life, but another road recently crossed my path.  My first instinct was to stay on the path I was already on but then I realized this crossroad may have been another one of His.  It’s scary to leave one path for another – at least it is for a person who doesn’t like change and has faced a lot of it in the last couple of years, but I’m doing it.

Despite my fear, I am hitting the reset button on Monday, the day after Christmas.  My reset button is big and yellow and says Penske on the side of it.  Once it’s loaded with everything I own, it will take me about 1,000 miles north.  I am moving from Bay County, Florida to Bay County, Michigan to start my new job as an accountant.  I am scared, but I am way more excited than I am scared.  For once in my life I am going on faith and taking the crossroad God has given me without arguing with Him first.  He will take care of any gravel and pot holes.

The reset button is scary but amazing at the same time.

Writing a Beautiful Picture

Most of the things I write of are tied in some way to personal experiences I have had in my own life.  I usually try to help my readers form visual stories in their minds and follow that story with some moral lesson I have learned.  Today will be different.

Today I am the reader and I have formed a visual story in my own mind like no story my readers could ever contrive from my simple words.  I ask you to read along with me and share this beautiful vision with me.

“Where is the road to the home of light?  Do you know where darkness lives, so you can lead it back to its border?  Are you familiar with the paths to its home?…

“Have you entered the place where the snow is stored?  Or have you seen the storehouses of hail, which I hold in reserve for times of trouble, for the day of warfare and battle?

“What road leads to the place where light is dispersed?  Where is the source of the east wind that spreads across the earth?  Who cuts a channel for the flooding rain or clears the way for lightning, to bring rain on an uninhabited land, on a desert with no human life, to satisfy the parched wasteland and cause the grass to sprout?

“Does the rain have a father?  Who fathered the drops of dew?  Whose womb did the ice come from?  Who gave birth to the frost of heaven when water becomes as hard as stone, and the surface of the watery depths is frozen?…

“Who put wisdom in the heart or gave the mind understanding?  Who has the wisdom to number the clouds? Or who can tilt the water jars of heaven when the dust hardens like cast metal and the clods of dirt stick together?…”

I don’t know if you are able to see the amazing things I see when I read these words.  I don’t know how to even describe the images I visualize as I ponder in complete awe the words God is speaking in this writing.  For now I will simply end by quoting Job’s response to God’s words because I couldn’t say it any better than he did. “Then Job answered the Lord:  ‘I am so insignificant.  How can I answer You?  I place my hand over my mouth.  I have spoken once, and I will not reply twice, but now I can add nothing.'”

Guthrie, George H. “Job 38-40.” Reading God’s Story: A Chronological Daily Bible. Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Pub., 2011. N. pag. Print.

A Look Back…At Worry

It amazes me when I read back through things I wrote just one year ago. So much has changed. Actually, everything has changed, but everything is so much better for that change that I fought against. I worry very little now in comparison to just a few months ago when worry consumed me. I love the life I have now. I love my kids; I love the wonderful man in my life; and I love my dog. God has truly blessed me, and when I gave up on all the worrying He took control and weeded out the things He never wanted me to worry about.

You can see how far I’ve come by reading my post from a year ago using the link below.

http://wp.me/s55ncY-worry

At the End of the Day…

During my lunch break today, I ran some errands. The first stop was to the post office closest to my office. I only have an hour for lunch, so I assure you I cringed inwardly at the long line and the fact that only one person was working the counter.

During my lunch break today, I ran some errands. The first stop was to the post office closest to my office. I only have an hour for lunch, so I assure you I cringed inwardly at the long line and the fact that only one person was working the counter. “I am in a hurry and this post office should know better than to have only one person working when so many people will be running their errands during their lunches. Good grief! And it’s Christmas package mailing season on top of that,” I thought to myself. I watched silently not revealing my thoughts as the line slowly crept forward and did my best to hold a smile on my face even though I didn’t feel that smile in my heart during those moments. It didn’t take me long to realize the young woman at the counter was being trained by the man standing beside her.

In the fifteen minutes I was in that line, I heard four people make a string of very loud comments about how slow the line was and how inadequate the service was. There was not one person in that room smiling…or even not frowning…other than the young woman at the counter and myself.

When it was finally my turn in the line I bought my stamps, paid my postage and told her to keep smiling. “You are doing a great job. Ignore anything that says otherwise from the other customers today. I mean it. You’re doing a great job and while in training, too. Don’t let them get you down.” Her smile grew just a little as her trainer smiled at me and told me he had said the same things to her this morning.

Did I get all my errands run during my lunch today? No, but does it really matter? The errands missed will get done after work tonight or during lunch tomorrow. I wanted them done today, but at the end of the day will this really matter enough to give it another frustrated thought? No.

Did any of the other customers in that post office today change their circumstances by scowling or saying what they thought about the service? No, they continued to stand in that line until they made it to the counter and took care of their business.  When they were done, they left with their frowns showing clearly on their faces and their negativity showing clearly on their hearts. I’m sure many if not all vented afterwards about their visit to the post office to everyone they spoke to that afternoon, but what does venting about it accomplish? It spreads the negativity in the heart of the complainer to the mind of the listener. Sadly, that negativity will spread not just to the minds of the listeners but also to the hearts of some listeners.

Wouldn’t this world be a better place if instead of venting about minutes lost, we chose to spread grace and mercy from heart to heart this holiday season? At the end of the day…at the end of all days…it’s the condition of the heart that matters. Does the condition of your heart encourage or discourage other people who cross your path each day?

Not a New Chapter, but a New Book

As I have traveled the difficult road through divorce this year, several people have suggested I consider the many changes as a new chapter in the book of my life. I disagree. What I am living right now is not a new chapter. It is a completely new book. I will not let anyone wrestle the pen and blank pages from my hands this time. I will hold the pen and I will fill the pages. This new book will not be like the last. It will not be able to be labeled as a drama full of sadness and betrayal as the last book could be. If this new book were to be labeled to put on a shelf, it would be considered an inspirational novel full of love, passion and spiritual growth.

Shifting From the Winds to the Eye of the Storm

Have you ever lived in a geographic location where you have to deal with the threat of possible hurricanes?  The weather guy has made his prediction that it’s a category 2 now but may strengthen and make landfall as a category 4 in the next 24 to 48 hours.  Should you run to the store and stock up on bread and bottled water?  Should you go to the nearest gas station and fill your vehicles and multiple gas cans…just in case?  Should you evacuate and hope everything is still standing when the storm is over?  Should you just stay put and not worry about anything because these things usually end up proving to be much less than predicted?

In recent months, I have found that my life has almost always consisted of preparations for the next “hurricane,” but in the last few years I have not been preparing as I should.  It took the most recent hurricane for me to realize just how ill-prepared I really am.  Four weeks ago, I moved out.  I left my husband whom I have been with for the last 25 years, and I am now living with my 22 year old son.  I was not really prepared for this hurricane at all.  At first, I thought the storm would completely blow over and dissipate as real hurricanes often do.  I was wrong.  The hurricane force winds are still blowing all around me as they have done for years, but one thing is very different.  I don’t feel those winds.  I am sitting comfortably in the eye of the storm.  I can see the winds, but they can’t touch me unless I allow myself to shift from the eye of the storm back into the actual storm itself.

Every day I spend out of the winds makes me realize a little more just how hard and how long they have been blowing.  I think I have been trying to stand upright in the strongest of hurricane winds for most of my life.  For years, I have fought to hold my life together using my own strength, but I have always known my own strength would never be enough.  I have always known that God was the only One strong enough to hold anything together, but I have consistently fought giving Him control.  Oh, I say all the right things: “I have given everything in this situation to God and will accept whatever He does to fix it.”  In reality, I may give it to Him, but I keep my grip firmly on one little corner and eventually pull the whole situation, no matter what it is, back on my own shoulders which have proven time and again to be too weak to carry the burden.

I am a fixer by nature.  I fix other peoples’ problems all the time.  I have many people who come to me at the first indication of a problem and ask for my advice and help.  I’ve been told I give good advice.  I help everyone else prepare for whatever hurricane they are living through, but when it comes to my own hurricanes I have consistently found myself ill-prepared.  I know where I need to go for hurricane provisions, but I have avoided gathering those provisions because I was afraid I would not find the answers I wanted mixed in with the bread and bottled water.  I was terrified that I would read Scripture and pray and realize that God never wanted me where I was and definitely wanted me elsewhere.  I have been terrified for a very long time, I think because I have known for a very long time that God did not want me to have ever stepped into the path of these particular winds.  I walked right into these hurricane force winds on my own and begged God to calm the storm.  Of course, He would calm the storm because He does not condone divorce, right?

God did not calm the storm.  He did not stop the winds.  He did not provide any way to survive in the storm.  Instead, He gave me numerous opportunities to walk out of the storm on my own, but I ignored those opportunities.  I was stubborn and stayed just to prove I could and used Scripture in the wrong way in order to excuse my bad decision.  I should have left at year two, at year five and at year twenty, but I didn’t.  I waited until twenty-five years were spent trying to stand in winds that no one can truly stand in.  For now, I will live my life in the eye where the winds cannot touch me.  I will use the hurricane provisions that God has generously supplied and remember, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)”