Category: pain

What if Jesus Wrote Our New Year’s Resolutions?

My lunch box looks like my new year’s resolution has something to do with eating healthy. (We won’t discuss the donut I got at the coffee shop this morning on my way to work.) My credit card statement looks like my news year’s resolution has something to do with living on a budget. Both of these are probably good resolutions and things I should do, but they aren’t my new year’s resolution.

In the first Sunday sermon I heard this year, Pastor Phil asked, “What if Jesus wrote our new year’s resolutions?” Wow! What an interesting thought! What if He did? I think my resolution would be “do not be afraid and do not worry.”

The list of Bible verses instructing us not to be afraid and not to worry is nearly endless. Here are just a few.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

My list could go on for a very long time, but I think you can already see the pattern in these five verses.

Don’t worry and don’t fear. If you are focussed on Jesus, He will take care of you. Life may not always be trouble-free and painless, but He will be with you to sustain you through this life until you reach the end of it, and then He will meet you at the gate to the next life…the one that lasts forever.

Hitting the Reset Button

I received the phone call of a lifetime two days ago – a phone call that allows me to hit the reset button on my life.  My first thoughts after that call consisted of, “Wow! How often does that happen?  How often does someone get to reset their entire life?  It must be a rare occurrence.  I am so blessed to have this amazing opportunity!” 

For two days I have lived with joyful thoughts of making plans for my new life and I decided a few minutes ago that tonight was the night to tell everyone about the upcoming changes in my life.  I picked up my journal and pen and wrote the first sentence.  I had a plan for how this blog was going to go, but halfway through the first paragraph it changed.  As I was writing “How often…” I realized I have had numerous opportunities to reset my life.  I’ve just ignored them.

God has led me to many crossroads that would have been much better paths than the one I wandered on for most of my life.  I’ve struggled on the same path for many, many years.  Sometimes the path was easy to travel; but, more often than not, it was covered in obstacles.  I have stumbled in bare feet over sharp gravel.  I have stubbed my toes on numerous boulders.  I have tripped over pot holes.  I have even crawled over walls of debris to stay on a very painful path while ignoring easy detours that could have helped me avoid the debris pile.  I have stopped to glance down crossroads before – crossroads covered in soft grass with beautiful wildflowers lining the sides.  They often looked inviting; but fear of the unknown kept me moving forward, stumbling down my chosen treacherous path.

Eventually, I did take a crossroad but it wasn’t covered in soft grass in the beginning.  It was rough, just not as rough as the road I traveled for so long.  God never gave up on me.  He knew how stubborn I was.  He even knew how long I was going to stumble along before taking the opportunity He gave.  I finally followed His lead.  He led me on the new path for a while and it’s been a good one.  The crossroad I chose was really scary in the beginning and wasn’t without a little sharp gravel, but that’s only because I chose the one with gravel rather than one of the earlier ones with soft grass.

I thought this second path was the one God intended me to follow for the rest of my life, but another road recently crossed my path.  My first instinct was to stay on the path I was already on but then I realized this crossroad may have been another one of His.  It’s scary to leave one path for another – at least it is for a person who doesn’t like change and has faced a lot of it in the last couple of years, but I’m doing it.

Despite my fear, I am hitting the reset button on Monday, the day after Christmas.  My reset button is big and yellow and says Penske on the side of it.  Once it’s loaded with everything I own, it will take me about 1,000 miles north.  I am moving from Bay County, Florida to Bay County, Michigan to start my new job as an accountant.  I am scared, but I am way more excited than I am scared.  For once in my life I am going on faith and taking the crossroad God has given me without arguing with Him first.  He will take care of any gravel and pot holes.

The reset button is scary but amazing at the same time.

Why? It’s Not Always what You Think… Hector

He was a good looking boy and appeared to be around thirteen or fourteen years old. It was hard to say for sure since he, like many of the kids, appeared to be a little small for his age by U. S. standards. He joined our group in the middle of the story and Bible verse because he and his family were a little late. Since we had already started, he took a seat in one of the chairs and started listening to the story and verse. 

We had placed the white, plastic chairs in a semi-circle in a corner of the building. Having four large groups of people meeting simultaneously in one huge concrete building with no dividing walls created nothing but a giant echo chamber. It was very distracting, and we hoped our chair placement would help the people in our group stay focused on our activities. All four groups had the same basic goals though the methods to reach the goals varied. We were to teach a Bible story about the Holy Spirit, memorize a Bible verse that would help the family members to remember what they had learned in the story, make a craft that would give them a visual reminder of the verse and story, burn some energy with some recreational games and finish with a new pair of socks and shoes for each person.

We had already finished a few sessions at other locations, but each location was unique. This particular facility was in a very poor area of Guatemala. The Family Hope Center we were visiting this day was fairly new and had not yet had time to establish a strong support system for the families it served. So many stories can be told from this one center that it is enough to make my eyes water as I sit here at my keyboard. For now, I will tell Hector’s story.

As each new family joined us, even the latecomers, we tried to make them feel welcome by engaging them with the activities the other families were already participating in. The first activity this day was to try to memorize the Bible verse using repetition and games. After reading and repeating the verse a handful of times, we played a game to challenge each person to repeat a portion. I can’t remember which game we are doing at the exact moment I really noticed Hector, because there were so many games. I just remember having our group of people divided into two teams and the team members lined up one after another in one line for each team. 

Most of the members of our group, young and old, wanted to participate and quickly joined a line. Just as we were getting ready to start, I noticed one boy who looked to be a young teen. Since my Spanish was basically non-existent, I chose to try to coax him into playing by using hand motions. He gave me a smirky-smile and shook his head “no” obviously thinking that annoying American would leave him alone after that. Well, he didn’t know this annoying American yet. 

I walked a little closer hoping I could read his name tag. “Hector?” I asked. He nodded but said nothing. I walked a little closer, and motioned with my hand again to the line as I said, “Hector, come on.” I was not going to let this boy miss the fun just because teenaged boys didn’t think this kind of a game was cool. I just kept up the hand waving and, “Come on, Hector,” until he finally gave in. With a look just short of an eye roll and exhaled breath just short of a huff, Hector joined the fun. His look confirmed to me that this teenager didn’t want anyone to think he was having fun doing anything so un-cool, but he did play the game and put enough effort into trying to remember the verse that I gave myself an invisible pat on the back for being persistent until he gave in.

We continued with the Bible story. We spent some time outside playing games. We made crafts. We washed feet and put new socks and shoes on everyone. We followed the same basic pattern we followed with every group that week; and, like every other group, every Buckner volunteer was very moved by at least one person they interacted with. My daughter, Megan, and I had a few minutes after giving out the shoes to talk by ourselves about our “one person” for that group. I talked to Megan about little Emyly whom I mentioned in my last blog post entitled Hot Potato and No Espanol. 

Megan’s “one person” for that moment was a boy she had put shoes on. The way she described this poor boy’s feet made my feet hurt just thinking about it. His shoes were so small that his toes were completely forced to curl under and his feet appeared on the verge of starting to deform. She felt so bad for him and was so happy we were able to give him a pair of shoes that would relieve the pain he had to have been in. I asked which boy it was. She said the older one wearing the white shirt with black and orange stripes on it. “Hector?” I asked, and she confirmed. I was so wrong about this poor boy and I felt so guilty for making him stand.

At this point in any blog post, I always choose a Scripture passage that I believe to be relevant and try to wrap it all up with some sort of inspirational conclusion. I can’t do that with Hector’s story. I have waited for three weeks for God to lay the correct passage on my heart but nothing seems to fit my usual pattern to enable me to wrap this experience up in a neat little package for my readers. Hector can’t be wrapped up in some simple conclusion. Hector’s life goes on with a new pair of shoes but he is still living in the poverty that nearly deformed his feet. A new pair of shoes has not changed his life completely, but spreading his story may do just that. Hector, along with countless others living in poverty need prayer more than they need anything else. Shoes that fit are great, but those shoes and Hector’s story can change lives only if they stand out as a reminder to the rest of us to pray. Pray for Hector. Pray for Emyly. Pray for all of them. 

While waiting for the passage I thought God would give me, I nearly missed the one He did. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I don’t know what God’s plans are for Hector. I don’t even know what His plans are for me. What I do know is that He has plans for both of us and for every one of you. Quit assuming you know the facts, and quit looking for the inspiration. Live in His plan right now, even if you don’t know yet what it is.

The Forming of a Canyon

When I googled “definition of canyon” I was shown a nearly endless list of definitions. The most descriptive one (that didn’t put me to sleep) described a canyon as “a deep, narrow valley surrounded by tall cliffs. Because a canyon is often very deep, be very cautious when standing on the rocky cliffs above. The noun canyon refers to the deep ravine that has been cut into the earth’s surface over a long period of time by erosion from a running river” (https://www.vocabulary.com).

This may surprise you, but I have watched a canyon form. It started as a small valley between two hills, but within one quarter century it could easily be compared to the Grand Canyon. I know it doesn’t sound possible for a mere twenty-five years to create a great canyon with steep cliffs that could easily claim the life of any traveler who makes one tiny mistep; but, I assure you, that is exactly what I witnessed.

What originally began as two small hills with an easily crossed valley between them, was actually two young lives separated by slightly different beliefs. Both lives were able to cross back and forth with ease over the valley. As the young lives grew older, the beliefs that once appeared similar began to change.   Little disagreements began to trickle through the valley like a small stream. As the lives grew older the disagreements also grew, and the small stream began to flow stronger and wider but was able to be easily crossed for a long time.

After a few years the skies grew dark over the valley with clouds of temptation that cast shadows on both the hills and the valley. The clouds were followed by a torrential rain of indiscretion that was followed by an unending supply of more clouds and more rain. The stream became a river. Eventually, the rushing water and many torrential rains tore at the edges of both hills. The river flowed fast and hard and changed the entire landscape of these two lives.

As the ground gave way and the valley grew in width and depth, the two lives changed in many ways. One of the lives tried many times to build a bridge between the two hills, but the other life liked the rain. The harder the rain, the more entertained that life was. The harder the rain, the more fragile the other life was. After one particularly hard rain, the fragile life lost her footing at the edge of the final bridge. That life became so sad that she longed to be washed away by the flood that was rushing through the great canyon between the cliffs where two hills once rested.

The story of these two lives did not end there. The life that was entertained by the rains and rapids still resides where his hill once stood. He is still entertained but never fulfilled. The other life, however, was changed beyond recognition. The Creator of the original hills and valley has gifted her with a new life far better that the one she sadly lived for so long. She sees no clouds or rain. She now sees sunshine and flowers everywhere she looks. Her new life has beauty and fulfillment beyond comprehension. All she had to do to receive this beautiful new life was to look to the Creator and give Him the old life in exchange for the new.

“See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you…” Matthew 6:28b-30a.

Redirected Pain

If you have followed my blog at all, you know my life has been quite stressful during the last several months. The last year and a half have left me feeling like I am a deer running through a forest with a firing squad of hunters chasing me. I may run out of one hunter’s sights but quickly find myself with another closing in. No matter how fast I run nor how well I hide, I have a constant fear that the next hunter will be the one who hits his mark. I’ve been grazed many times and have scars to prove it, but I often don’t feel like one wound has scarred over before the next is delivered.

Last night I received a unexpected phone call from someone I had not talked to in several months. It was a brief conversation that included good moments and bad, but both the good and the bad left me a great deal to think about in the hours after.

God used that conversation to point out two very important things to me. I already knew the last few years and especially the last few months have triggered feelings of complete distrust. I trust almost no one. Even those few I do trust to never intentionally hurt me, I do not trust to accidentally betray my confidence. This state of complete mistrust is not a pleasant place to find myself. It comes naturally to me to unconsciously look for an ulterior motive in every relationship I have. Most of the time, I don’t even realize I am doing this until I have completed my evaluation of everything said and done in a particular situation or interaction. I don’t know how long I will struggle with this lack of trust, but I have found I am only hurting myself.

The second thing I have recognized after pondering the conversation last night is that I need to change my focus. Yes, my life has been really rough lately and no one would blame me for being exhausted, bitter and angry, but what good does it do me to feel sorry for myself. What purpose do anger and resentment have? I can tell you one thing for sure; exhaustion, anger and resentment, even when justified, serve one single purpose. They keep you from focusing on what God wants you to focus on. It’s that simple. No matter what your circumstances, God can use you in some way to help someone else.

In Mark chapter 8 and verse 2 Jesus says, “I feel sorry for these people. They have been here with me for three days and they have nothing left to eat.” Jesus had already done plenty for these people and numerous others. He had gone well above and beyond and knew that He would eventually pay the ultimate price in His death on the cross in the place of these people and the rest of the world. He was under no obligation to take care of them. He was under no obligation to feed them. He would have been completely justified in leaving at any time to get some much-needed rest and a good meal, but He didn’t. He knew that He could do something more for these people even if it meant He did less for Himself. He knew He would soon suffer a terrible death in the place of humanity yet he still took the time to help these people.

How different would this world be if we, those of us who are already exhausted, bruised and scarred, took the hurt that we feel and directed that pain into helping someone else?

The Other Side of the Valley of Baca

Do you feel like you are wandering through a desert with nothing but sand to see in every direction? I’ve felt at various times in my life like I was in a desert, but those deserts were nothing in comparison to the Valley of Baca I have traveled through this past year.

I’m sure we have all seen at least one movie in which someone is stranded in a desert, trudging through the sand, thirsty, sunburned, so desperate for water and shade that they sometimes see a mirage with a pool of cool, clear water in the shade of some palms.

Psalm 84 talks of one of these deserts called the Valley of Baca. When I googled Baca I found a variety of definitions. One definition describes love, another defines Baca as a specific type of tree, but the most common definition of Baca is a desert known as the Valley of Weeping. Many historians believe travelers on their way to the Feast of Tabernacle would often have no choice but to travel through the Valley of Baca. It is thought that the travelers would often dig a hole in the hopes it would fill with ground water. If that didn’t happen, the hole would be left with the hope that it would fill with rain water that the next weary traveler could drink.

Do you feel like you are in Baca right now? Do you feel like you are wandering through a desert with nothing but sand to see in every direction? I’ve felt at various times in my life like I was in a desert, but those deserts were nothing in comparison to the Valley of Baca I have traveled through this past year.

In these last few months, I have longed for peace and comfort. I have experienced moments of peace in which the hole I dug had filled with water and other moments when I found a hole dug by another traveler that had filled with life-sustaining water through rain. I have walked. I have crawled. I have fallen and rolled down the giant sand dunes like I have seen in movies. I have even been carried through portions of my Valley of Baca. I have cried, I have prayed, I have begged, and I have praised. I have trudged up one sand dune hoping to see a luscious, green valley on the other side, just to drop to my knees and cry when I reach the top and see nothing but sand in all directions on the other side. I have often longed for God to pick me up and hold me in His lap like a child and comfort and protect me.

In Psalm 84:5-9 the Psalmist wrote, “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage.  As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.”

I am here to tell you that I have traveled through Baca and I can see the other side. I am not quite to that beautiful, green grass, but I can almost feel it between my toes. If you are in your own Valley of Baca, don’t give up. Keep going. Dig a hole for water. If you are too tired to dig, find a hole some other traveler has left for you. If you can’t walk any more right now on your own, find another traveler to help you. Keep moving.

“How lovely is Your tabernacle, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young – even Your alters, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they will still be praising You….For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.  I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You” (Psalm 84:1-4,10-12).

Cry out to God and focus on Him. If all you can see right now when you look around you is Baca and God, you have all you need. God carried me through Baca, and He will do the same for you if you will just ask.

Stop Trying to Understand

“I just don’t understand how they could do this to me.” I have heard this said so many times over the years and recently have said it myself several times. When someone you have loved for many years decides to act in a way that destroys the relationship you have with him or her, the pain you feel can overwhelm you and trigger a multitude of feelings and questions. You may feel like I recently did: stuck in a pit of quicksand, slipping a little deeper every time I tried to answer another “how could he” question. As much as I would like to know the answers to each of the questions I think of, I have decided it may be best if I don’t understand them and can never answer them. Isaiah 55:3,6-9 says, “Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life….Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously. ‘My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,’ says the Lord. ‘And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts….'” Nowhere in this passage does God instruct us to study so we may understand the thoughts and actions of other people. Nowhere does He say we will understand what other people do or why they do it. What He does tell us is that we need to listen to Him and study His ways. The more we understand God’s ways, the less we will understand the ways of man including the men or women who hurt us. Stop trying to understand how someone you love could do something that hurts you deeply. If you understand it, you are capable of doing it yourself. You are almost always better off not understanding it and not being capable of it. This is almost always the only way out of the quicksand.