Month: July 2015

Don’t be Found Sleeping

I work in finance in a medium sized public service organization. Last week, in the last five minutes of the workweek, I took some information that concerned me to my boss. Something wasn’t balancing as it should which meant that somewhere, somehow an error was been made. More than likely, this error will be simple to fix, but it may take me some time to locate the error and make a correcting entry. I was already disappointed in myself for not noticing this problem weeks earlier; but when I saw the disappointment on my boss’ face and heard it in his voice my disappointment turned to something closer to dread. I was very upset with myself for letting my boss down. I hate letting anyone down, but my boss is a good boss and I really, really hated letting him down.

This evening I pulled out the women’s devotional book I have been studying. Today’s reading was about being a good steward and giving wisely. The suggested reading was the end of Mark chapter 12; but when I was through with those verses I continued through chapter 13. Verses 32 through 37 practically jumped off the page at me. “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. It’s like a man going away; He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with his assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.

“Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back – whether in evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping.”

My boss didn’t find me sleeping. I found myself sleeping and then had to explain to him how I had let him down. I didn’t like admitting it, but I had no excuse. I allowed myself to be distracted by other things. The other things were important as well, but those tasks should not have taken all of my focus so that I did not see this error until now.

While reading Mark chapter 13 this evening, I realized I let Someone down every day – Someone much more important than my boss. I read my Bible, I attend small group Bible studies, I listen to Christian music; but if God chose tonight to send His Son in all His power and glory to gather His children, He would find that this child has slept way too much lately. I have watched for the signs that many people recognize  – wars, persecution of Christians, famine, earthquakes,  etc. – but I have allowed these signs which are on the news quite regularly to distract me. Instead of serving Jesus, I have been focused on the signs of His return. I cannot imagine the dread I would feel if He showed up when I wasn’t paying attention – while I was sleeping. Oh, what a horrible feeling that would be!

It is time for me, for all of us, to wake up. We need to stop focusing on the signs that were prophesied and start serving the One those prophesies were pointing to return. We need to make sure we are ready, and we need to make sure the people around us are ready. We need to be doing the tasks He has assigned to each of us and let Him handle the rest.

Don’t just watch for His return. Serve Him while you watch.

Redirected Pain

If you have followed my blog at all, you know my life has been quite stressful during the last several months. The last year and a half have left me feeling like I am a deer running through a forest with a firing squad of hunters chasing me. I may run out of one hunter’s sights but quickly find myself with another closing in. No matter how fast I run nor how well I hide, I have a constant fear that the next hunter will be the one who hits his mark. I’ve been grazed many times and have scars to prove it, but I often don’t feel like one wound has scarred over before the next is delivered.

Last night I received a unexpected phone call from someone I had not talked to in several months. It was a brief conversation that included good moments and bad, but both the good and the bad left me a great deal to think about in the hours after.

God used that conversation to point out two very important things to me. I already knew the last few years and especially the last few months have triggered feelings of complete distrust. I trust almost no one. Even those few I do trust to never intentionally hurt me, I do not trust to accidentally betray my confidence. This state of complete mistrust is not a pleasant place to find myself. It comes naturally to me to unconsciously look for an ulterior motive in every relationship I have. Most of the time, I don’t even realize I am doing this until I have completed my evaluation of everything said and done in a particular situation or interaction. I don’t know how long I will struggle with this lack of trust, but I have found I am only hurting myself.

The second thing I have recognized after pondering the conversation last night is that I need to change my focus. Yes, my life has been really rough lately and no one would blame me for being exhausted, bitter and angry, but what good does it do me to feel sorry for myself. What purpose do anger and resentment have? I can tell you one thing for sure; exhaustion, anger and resentment, even when justified, serve one single purpose. They keep you from focusing on what God wants you to focus on. It’s that simple. No matter what your circumstances, God can use you in some way to help someone else.

In Mark chapter 8 and verse 2 Jesus says, “I feel sorry for these people. They have been here with me for three days and they have nothing left to eat.” Jesus had already done plenty for these people and numerous others. He had gone well above and beyond and knew that He would eventually pay the ultimate price in His death on the cross in the place of these people and the rest of the world. He was under no obligation to take care of them. He was under no obligation to feed them. He would have been completely justified in leaving at any time to get some much-needed rest and a good meal, but He didn’t. He knew that He could do something more for these people even if it meant He did less for Himself. He knew He would soon suffer a terrible death in the place of humanity yet he still took the time to help these people.

How different would this world be if we, those of us who are already exhausted, bruised and scarred, took the hurt that we feel and directed that pain into helping someone else?